thoughts on parenting and God

*Both of my kids have nightly homework. My 4th grader, who has to work a little bit harder to understand certain concepts and to read fluently, is required to sit and finish her homework. Then I go over it for mistakes and she redoes the problem until she gets it right. I often will read the instructions to her out loud because it helps her understand what is being asked. I also have her read aloud to me several times per week. This isn't because she has made bad choices and I am punishing her (though sometimes she views it as such). It is simply because her circumstances require it. My 2nd grader, on the other hand, is different. The academic portion of school comes very easily for him, but as a little introvert that he is, I recognize the need for him to have more down time. I set the timer for 20 minutes and as long as he is working diligently, he can be done with his homework when it goes off. He reads every night too, but mostly to himself after he goes to bed. It may seem that I am partial to one child. It may seem that I am punishing one child for something that isn't her fault. But as the parent, I have a deeper understanding of the needs of my children, and I require different things because of it. That being said, the standard is the same: they must learn reading, writing and arithmetic. That won't change, even if my homework policy seems inconsistent.

*Charlie, after being a fabulous sleeper from day 1 and sleeping through the night for the first 6 months of his life, starting waking up 2-3 times a night and I had to nurse him back to sleep. So, we are having him cry-it-out at bedtime. Every few minutes we go in and check on him and comfort him. The first night it was torture. The 2nd was slightly better. But by last night (night #4) he fell asleep after only 15 minutes and slept all night long. Despite having 4 kids, this was a new experience for me. I let Ana cry in the night once and after that she slept all night. When I tried it with Jack he would scream so hard he threw up and I couldn't do it anymore. Katie was such a snuggly nurser that I got a lot of joy and satisfaction of nursing her to sleep and I brought her to my bed if she woke up in the night. It wasn't a big deal. Our particular circumstances allowed for that, so it worked. But with 4 kids and Dave gone a lot at bedtime, I simply can't spend 40 minutes nursing Charlie to sleep and anyway a lot of times he doesn't fall asleep nursing. Of course, I love all of my children the same. I don't love Katie more because I rocked her to sleep or love Charlie less because I don't. Different circumstances call for different actions. I love all my children.

*My kids love to watch this one channel on TV that has some ridiculous "as seen on TV" commercials. It is a kids' station, so all of the things are geared towards kids. They are always asking for the stuff. In fact, I think 95% of my interactions with my kids is them asking me to buy them junk. Of course, I don't just give in. They are harmless things, perhaps, but certainly giving them everything they want when they want it isn't the best way to raise them. Sometimes I will give them a treat at the store or let them earn a toy from the dollar store. But I certainly don't let them eat candy for breakfast or spend all day watching TV or let them hit each other, even if they say I'm mean and unfair and I must not love them.

*Being a parent has taught me so much about the way God works in our lives. He is, after all, our Heavenly Father. He is a father, first and foremost. He knows us. He knows our needs, as individuals and collectively. I don't pretend to be a perfect parent. I don't always act in the most Godlike ways and many times I question my own methods. But I do love my children in a way that is perhaps a shadow of the way God loves us. We don't always understand his methods. We may think his standards are too high. We may not think it is fair that we have to work so hard when others seem to have it easy. We probably cry in our beds and wonder where he is, when what he is doing is teaching us an essential lesson that will help us eternally. Are 95% of my interactions with God asking for things? Maybe even things that the world has packaged to look enticing or harmless or fun or even good, but that are not eternally good for us.

*These 3 scriptures have come to my mind a lot lately:

*Ephesians 4 :14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

 15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

*1 Nephi 11: 17 And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.

*Proverbs 3:  5 ¶Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

i love candy

I have a love-hate relationship with Halloween. I love dressing up. I love making my kids costumes. And I love, love candy. But I don't really love scary things. And I don't love having candy in the house. Well, I do, but I know I shouldn't eat Butterfingers for breakfast and that's what I end up doing. 

My favorite part is making the costumes. I honestly get a lot of creative satisfaction out of it. Late September, Ana came home declaring that she wanted to be Darth Vader for Halloween. Up until this point, Jack had wanted to be Mario, but we convinced him to instead be Luke Skywalker and all we had to do was tell Katie she was a princess and she was sold.

A few weeks ago we watched Star Wars: the original trilogy with the kids. They loved it! The entire movie, every time Princess Leia came on Katie said "There I am." Or whenever a storm trooper got shot she said, "You died, Mom." It was kind of hilarious.

Truthfully, Charlie wasn't thrilled about wearing a hat. Usually he pulled it off right away. But if I gave me a cracker or something right after I put it on, he sometimes forgot about it long enough to take a picture.

He also got to eat a sucker for the first time and this made him happy. (Remember how Ana didn't have a sucker until she was 18 months old and I didn't let anyone give her candy? I guess that's the difference between your first and your 4th kid.)

Star Wars was a popular theme at the elementary school parade this year. Jack's friend in his class was also Princess Leia.

Dave and I decided to join in the costumes too. Ana really wanted someone else on that dark side, so I went with a storm trooper and  Dave went as Obi-Wan Kenobi

I spent most of the day on Halloween finishing up costumes. Jack wanted to carve pumpkins. He finally got impatient enough that he did his all on his own. Then when Dave got home he helped the girls with theirs. And then I couldn't find our tea lights so I used birthday candles and they smelled funny. But, hey, at least we carved pumpkins. And I sort of love that Jack did his by himself. He traced his pattern, cut off the top, scooped out the guts and everything.

The kids made out like bandits. We have so much candy in our house. Seriously, its ridiculous. Ana keeps asking me if I will buy all hers for $50 so she can buy a Kindle. (Um... no.) She did save her Reese's Pieces and Almond Joys for me and her Reese's PB cups and other good stuff for Dave. Gotta love that generosity.

So another Halloween is in the books. Next year Jack says he will be Mario for sure and he wants Charlie to be Luigi. We'll see if he stays with it.