on gratitude

We talk of "expressing gratitude." This Thanksgiving, I've had a difficult time doing it. Not because I don't feel gratitude, but because I feel so incredibly grateful and humble and blessed that I find no words do it justice. 

Saying "I am thankful for my home" feels so insufficient. I am grateful for my home. But it goes so much deeper than that. I feel incredibly humbled and thankful for where I live. My home, my neighborhood, my town, my state. Idaho is a beautiful, bounteous place. I love it so. And for the fact that I can be here. That we have means and opportunity and resources available to us.

I can say "I am grateful for my family" but it doesn't do it justice either. I cannot express the joy and happiness I felt this morning when Charlie came into my bedroom, where I was reading on my bed, and said, "Mommy, can you get me some break-frast?" in his little 2 year old voice. I cannot express in words how my heart burst when I dropped Ana off at a birthday party a few weeks ago and realized how beautiful her heart is. She was one of only two that showed up, and I stand amazed at her ability to see others, and be a friend to everyone. I cannot express my love for my husband when he works so hard, and is sometimes weighed down by his responsibilities, wondering if he is doing right by the little people that he is entrusted with each day. I cannot say even a part of what I feel when I think of my little family. 

Or my larger family. My siblings who are my best friends and my support system. We can laugh and cry together and are fiercely loyal to one another. My parents who raised me in light and truth. My gratitude for them goes beyond words. And for my friends who have been like family to me through the years and our journey. They still continue to buoy me up and help me along. I am so so grateful.

This year, as I have had a more focused scriptural study, I have learned so much about God. I have felt His love and His goodness. I cannot express my gratitude for His shining influence in my life. I have had moments of profound humility and gratitude. Moments that have rendered me (ME!) speechless. As much as I love to talk and think and write and read, sometimes there are just no words. 

In the Book of Mormon, Ammon meets his brethren along a road after their missions are complete. He expresses joy in their blessings. One of his brothers said to him, "I fear thy joy doth carry thee away unto boasting."  His response is one of my favorites in all of scripture: 

 "I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; ... for which we will praise his name forever." (See Alma 26:10-12)

There is so much to be thankful for. 

catapults and privileges

Jack has a school project due tomorrow. They were supposed to build something using simple machines. He designed a catapult, and he and Dave built it. It works fabulously.  He is so proud of it.

Jack and his awesome catapult!

I guess some kids brought their project today. At dinner time Jack was telling us about how some other kids also did a catapult. "I liked their designs, but they didn't work as well." He then told us all about the other kids' catapults and what their designs were like and what he liked about them and what went wrong. He wasn't insulting them, just being honest. He was generous in his praise of their designs and structure.

I thought about how Dave was there to coach Jack on his design, to help him buy wood, to call our neighbor to cut the wood, and then to work side-by-side as they built it together. I thought about what would have happened if the project was due a few months ago when Dave was working so much we were all exhausted and what it would have been like if I would have had to do it with Jack. I thought about other kids whose parents maybe didn't have the time or inclination or skill to help them with each step. It made me grateful that my kids have such a great dad. Part of me felt guilty - that maybe he should have done it all on his own. But then I realized how much he learned by having his dad help him. Dave has a gift of perfection and precision (one that I lack) and Jack learned a lot about how to help it be more stable, and how to drill a little hole so that the screw goes in better and how to measure it just right. Those are all things he needed, and truthfully, I could not have provided it for him. In that moment I realized just how lucky we are.

And then we talked about it as a family. We talked about how so many people don't have the opportunities we have and I asked the kids what they think our responsibility is to those who are less fortunate. Jack's first thought was "don't brag." A valid point, for sure. We should be humble and realize that what we have isn't just because of our hard work, but of so many circumstances that we lucked into.

We talked about how we have an obligation to help lift and bless those around us. It is our responsibility.  Dave read from the Book of Mormon when Moroni wrote to Pahoran, scolding him for not taking better care of the people. "And now, my beloved brethren - for ye ought to be beloved; yea and ye ought to have stirred yourselves more diligently for the welfare and freedom of this people. ...  Behold, could ye supposed that ye could sit upon your thrones, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he would deliver you?" (Alma 60:10-11)  We are privileged and blessed, and "Because I have been given much, I too must give."

I don't know if the kids were paying attention or not, but it struck a chord with me. I hope to do a better job at teaching them how to be a influence for good in the lives of others.

how an ice storm didn't ruin my weekend

And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls. - Moroni 6:5

 
On Sunday Church was cancelled due to an ice storm.

Being home all day as a family on Sunday really made me think about the 4th commandment,  as we read in Exodus 20.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work:

But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Now, I know everyone interprets that a little differently. For us, Sunday is a day for worship. We go to church, we serve God through our church responsibilities, and we spend time as a family.  We try to make Sunday different. One of the ways we have done that is by not shopping, doing play dates, and especially by not working or studying on Sunday. (Obviously as a doctor there will be times Dave has to work on Sunday, but when we have a choice, we choose not too.)

I am so glad we have done this. I love having a day where we can relax. A day where we can push aside the things that worry and stress us and just focus other things. Sometimes those things are really important. Sometimes they are not. (Like football). I know it has actually helped Dave do better in school to take a break from studying.

I love going to church. It feeds my spirit. (Even when the kids are crazy and I can barely make it out the door.) And I especially love going right before Christmas because it keeps me focused on the real reason for the season. So I was disappointed that church was cancelled. However, because it was Sunday, I didn't have a long list of to-dos in preparation for Christmas. I wasn't planning on cleaning house or running errands, so the ice storm didn't throw me off.  We went outside and marveled at the awesome ice. We drank hot chocolate and played games and watched football and video-chatted with Dave's parents. I even found time to pause for just a minute and think about the life and mission of the Savior. I talked to Jack about it for a few minutes. 

 

 

I am so glad for the reminder I got this weekend of why I love Sundays.

a child of God

Dave got home last Saturday. I was planning a post about how happy I was to have him home. I also have a list of other things I want to write down, but I haven't been able to sit down and write quite yet.

We have met amazing people during our time here. One of those amazing families is the Clark family. For 3 years they lived just down the street. Our kids played together all the time. Over those 3 years, we became like family. In May they moved to California. They are close to family, which is great, but we sure miss them. On Saturday they lost their sweet little baby Jane (13 months old) to meningitis. To say we are heartbroken for them is an understatement.

All the other things I was going to write about seem trivial. There is little that brings peace stronger than the hymns and the scriptures. This is what is running through my mind:

Sweet is the peace the Gospel brings.

Families can be together forever.

I know that my Redeemer Lives.

And this scripture found in the Book of Mormon (1 Nephi 11:17)

"And I said unto him: I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."

Sunday was our annual Primary Program and it was so comforting to hear almost every child declare "I am a child of God." What a powerful knowledge that is.

We will miss sweet baby Jane.