life of a med school wife

I guess I'm going through a period of thoughtfulness. It seems I've been saying too much lately. But seeing as how I am sitting alone on a Friday night, repeatedly telling Ana to stay in her bed, and spending time reading a slew of med school wife blogs, thoughts came and I feel compelled to write them.

What's it like being a med student wife? I know that every wife will have a different experience than I do. Different schools have different schedules, husbands have different abilities, some wives work or don't have kids. So, I can tell you what its like for me. But I truly believe I am in the lucky few.

Dave has class from 8 to noon every day. Another 2 or 3 days a week he has a lecture or lab or small group in the afternoon, and most days he is done with class by 3. He stays on campus until 6 then comes home; so 5 days a week he gets between 2 and 5 hours of studying done.

On top of this very workable schedule, Dave has an amazing ability to retain things. He also is a very good guesser. (I know this because he gets tons of right answers on Sporcle quizzes simply by guessing. I do not have this gift.) These two things combined make him a phenomenal test taker. And its not just that he can spit out the answers and then forgets it. He remembers that stuff. Concepts go in his head, he understand them and they stay there. He still has to study, of course. He has to memorize all sorts of names for things. But the concepts click in his mind. I am in awe of this talent.

Early in the year we determined that it was important for him to have time with the family. From 6:30 to 8:30 is scheduled "family" time. We eat dinner together, then he plays with the kids for a while before they go to bed. After that he's free to study or do whatever else. But most nights we watch a movie or TV together. With the exception of a few days leading up to a test (like the one this coming Monday) and mutual nights on Wednesday night, we have stuck to this schedule. I think it has done wonderful things for our family. Having dinner together, reading scriptures and saying prayer together as a family, and spending time together is so important to the sanity of all 4 members of our family. On top of his gift of smarts, I know he is getting blessed academically by making family a priority.

So, what's it like being a med school wife? So far, it isn't much different than being any other kind of stay at home wife. I've been staying at home with kids since Ana was 6 months old. I think that winter was the hardest yet - all alone with a tiny baby, hardly any friends, nowhere to go, and no car to go in anyway. This winter I have wonderful friends, plenty to do if I feel like it, and a car at my disposal. And though its been freezing outside and we're getting a little stir crazy, I know that I can do something about it when I want to.

I'm sure that in another year when he's studying for the medical licensing exam, and starting rotations and what not I might be singing a different tune. But for now, life is good! We love Vermont, we love our little family and the experiences we are having, and I know we will look back on this time and think it was wonderful!

every mother a missionary

Before Dave and I were married I was dead set on going on a mission. I had seen so many people's lives change from a mission and I wanted to feel that fire. I also wanted to learn Spanish, and though I couldn't plan on a Spanish-speaking mission, I really hoped for it. Of course, I had to wait until I was 21, but for almost an entire year I had that goal. Even after Dave and I began dating and starting thinking about getting married, I still really wanted to go. After an unexpected phone call from my Grandpa, direction from a prophet of God, and some prayer and tears, I decided a mission could wait for retirement, and Dave and I were married 4 weeks before my 21st birthday.

Of course, I am thrilled with where my life has gone since. I love my family and have felt such great joy over the last 6 years since that time. There are times still when I wish I could have had those experiences. I know that as a member of the church, I have a responsibility to reach out and share the Gospel with those around me. Sometimes I think I am falling short in this area.

Sunday night the kids and I went over to our friends' house to watch the new Joseph Smith video that I hadn't seen yet. Surprisingly, Ana sat by me and watched the entire movie. I had to explain a lot of what was happening to her, and I confess, I could brush up on my Church history. It was a powerful movie.

That night as we were getting jammies on, questions came flowing from my 4 year old. Why did those bad men want to kill Joseph Smith? Who is Satan? Where does he live? If I make bad choices am I like Satan? How does God hear everybody's prayers?

I felt unequal to the task of answering all her questions. I was humbled by them. And I don't know if I was correct in all my answers. I realized then that the greatest mission I could serve is right here in my home. Teaching my children about the source of my happiness and the way back to our Heavenly Father is humbling and exciting and challenging and rewarding. All the things I thought I could gain from serving a mission (with the exception of learning Spanish) I am gaining right now as a mother.

Whats even better: I got to choose my companion.

the chocolate thief

I woke up to a quiet house. I figured it was sometime between 8:30 and 9. I lay in bed, looking at the blue sky out my window and knowing full well it was deceiving me. (It was -9 degrees outside.) I thought about the day - what I wanted to accomplish, Ana's play date this afternoon, etc. I turned over and looked at the clock: 8:40. I opened the computer and began my morning ritual of checking the blogosphere.

At some point I heard a door open, and little person head down the stairs. Then back up the stairs. Then a door closed. I assumed it was Ana. Every once in a while she plays in her room in the morning. At about 9 I went downstairs to eat breakfast. Then I headed to Ana's room. She looked like she was just waking up. We talked about the day and headed downstairs to find her "girl toys" to get out for her friend. We found her dishes, her ponies and her dolls. Then she curled up next to me and we read a story.

Right as I closed "If You Give a Pig a Pancake," Jack's door opened. He walked down the stairs. He had dark something all over his face.

Is it blood? I thought.

I took a closer look and started to laugh.

In one hand he held a little box. It was Ana's box and up until this morning it had 6 or 7 dark chocolate mini hershey bars inside. In his other hand was 3 of the little bars.



I guess he was my morning stroller. I figure he went downstairs looking for us, saw the box sitting on the table, and carried it back up to his room to enjoy the chocolate in peace.

action

In my very informal study of parenthood (and by "study" I mean casually observing and analyzing different families and their children and drawing broad conclusions based on specific examples) I have often wondered why kids raised on farms grew up so well. Farms always (and by "always I mean in the 4 or 5 examples that I can think of off the top of my head) seem to produce hardworking, straight arrow kids.

I also want my kids to be hardworking, straight arrow kids, but since a farm isn't in our immediate future for our family, I've wondered what I can do to teach my kids to work hard. So I've been taking a closer look at this idea. Here are some things I have noticed in my observations:

1.) Set the example.

If I am on the computer, Ana is a lot more likely to ask to watch a show. If I'm reading a book, or doing the dishes, or playing with them, both kids want to do what I am doing. If the house is clean, the kids are much more likely to put their things away.

2.) Begin young.

It seems that on a farm, as soon as kids are walking, they are working. Pulling weeds in the garden, helping feed the animals. There are jobs even the youngest can do, even inside. Washing windows and walls, wiping down the bathtub and sorting toys.

3.) Do it together!

Working with the kids yields much better results than dictating what they should do. As soon as we are all up and working, I suddenly don't have to beg the kids to help out; they WANT to.

All of these things are principles of Action. They require that we are actively doing things. We were created to act and not be acted upon. But it is not something that happens naturally. We need to consciously ACT. I have noticed, much to my chagrin, how much I react to the things around me. My housekeeping is done in reaction to a mess. As a parent I do the same thing. I react to a problem instead of actively seeking ways to engage the children and prevent problems.

As I have thought about all this stuff that's been swirling around my head, one thought keeps coming to my head: Create an atmosphere of action.

This is a daunting thought for me. It requires that I change almost all of my current habits, and I am sure to meet resistance from myself and my children in the process. I'm nervous to undertake such a lifestyle change. But I feel like this theme for the year is something that will be a great thing for myself and my family.

Now in the wake of a thorough housecleaning and finishing up season 5 of Psych, I feel like I'm finally ready to take on the challenge. Here's to a new year!

on what to watch

Dave and I have our differences.

There was a time about 6 years ago that we were counting our differences because we were oh, so much alike back in our dating year month.

Of course, over the years we've noticed a few more things that we don't quite see eye to eye on. I guess we don't ever see eye to eye unless I'm standing on a step stool, and even then I think he has a few inches on me. I'm sure I could draw a bunch on analogies on how our height difference can be a metaphor for marriage, but that's not where I was going with this.

There are some things that after all these years, we are still absolutely compatible.

1. Money. We are always on the same page.

2. Entertainment. Do you realize how awesome this is? We went through a 24 obsession, a Star Trek: the Original Series fling, NCIS marathons, and now Psych. We both like Nacho Libre-esque comedies, and we both hate horror movies. We like classic Jimmy Stewart movies and The Bourne series and college football. And with the occasional exception of some weirdo TV show that intrigues him and I have no interest in, we usually agree on what channel the TV is on in the evenings.

I like this. I would not have pegged Entertainment as a deal-breaker back when I was checking guys out, but man, I am glad we have that in common. It makes marriage happy.

motivation

Every once in a while I have to volunteer my house for something, like a baby shower for a friend who just had a baby, in order to get my house clean.

So, yeah, Saturday is my deadline. My house must be in tip-top shape by Saturday at 10 am.

Wish me luck.

white caps

Wednesday we had a blizzard. Half way through a snapped a couple pictures, though I wasn't about to go out in it.


Thursday morning I had to go out. It had stopped snowing by then, but the drift by our car was up to my knees and there was 8 inches of snow sticking out from the passenger side of the car. Normally, I would stay inside, but I couldn't help it yesterday.

See, Ana got her tooth pulled. She did really well and it only took about 30 minutes. She got a free pint of Ben & Jerry's too. I was a little envious of that. She excited for the tooth fairy to come tonight. (She would have come yesterday, but was unprepared, so we told Ana it takes a couple days for the tooth fairy to get here.)

Its snowing again today. Well, it was. I guess now the sun is shining. I think we might try to get out of the house anyway. If I had my way I'd lay on the couch all day, but my room is an explosion of laundry, my kitchen floors are decidedly sticky, I need to restock the pantry and the children are a little stir crazy.

I suppose we'll brave the cold weather and find some place to go.

rock-a-bye

Bedtime has always stressed me out. Ever since Ana learned how to climb out of her crib - before she was even 2 - bedtime has been a fight. Nothing short of laying down next to her until she was asleep kept her in her bed at night. If she was asleep before 9:30, it was a good night.

Changing gears a little: growing up with so many sisters, I always shared a bedroom with siblings. I remember 4 of us sleeping in the same room. My two younger sisters and I slept sideways on a double bed and my older sister had a twin bed in the same room. (When my big brother went away to college before his mission, I did sleep in his room for a while, so I guess I had my "own room" then. I was about 7 or 8.)

I always thought I would have my kids share rooms for a long time. Its one of those things that I had a totally unwarranted and judgmental opinion about. Something along the lines of "Children don't need their own rooms. By sharing they learn to get along with each other and they draw closer together because of it."

So when the option of separating them presented itself, I didn't even consider it. The extra room became an office, and that was that. Night after night I would lay next to Jack trying to keep both kids calm and quiet so that they would fall asleep. On nights that Ana was tired, Jack would be noisy. Or vice versus. Bedtime was still a headache, and usually it was 9:30 before I was able to leave their room.

There are times as a mother that we receive inspiration regarding our children. And last month a very distinct impression came that we needed to move Jack into the smaller office room. It kept coming over and over, and finally I realized that it was what we needed to do.

I believe it has been one of the best things for my kids. I have since established "quiet time" each day (which has been a life saver for me). Jack no longer needs me to lay down next to him. They both go to sleep easily, even if they play around for a little while. Each night by 8 or 8:30 the kids are tucked in their beds and I am sitting on the couch watching reruns of Psych with Dave. And not only that, it seems the kids have been getting along better during the day, too.

I think as parents the Spirit teaches us what is best for our family. The trick is not only to act on it, but to not let others (including yourself) tell you that it is unimportant or talk you out of it. Here's to bedtime!

commitment

I've been thinking about the New Year for a couple months now. I've thought a lot about my theme for last year to "Establish a House of Order." I think I did well for a while. I learned a lot of things. Like how it is just as easy to fold towels neatly in the cupboard as opposed to shoving them in there randomly. And how it is easier for kids to help clean up when everything has a place: like shoes, toys, and clothes. I still have not completely solved my clutter issues, but I am getting better. I think it was a good goal for me to have. It was a good year and time to focus on that.

I also discovered some things in the process. I have discovered some underlying issues that I have with my homemaking and personal habits, as well as my issues that continually come up in parenting. And with my New Year Theme, I plan to address them.

My theme for 2011 is a good one. I have studied and pondered and I really think I'm onto something that can be really great. I can see the benefits from changing my focus. I can see personal benefits and I can see how great it could be for my family, especially my children.

But I'm not going to tell you what it is. Not yet anyway.

The fact is, I am scared. I know how far I am from the goal I have in mind. I am afraid of the exertion - both physically and emotionally - it will take to change myself into the kind of person that I want to be. I am scared of committing myself to something that I'm not strong enough to do right now. I am afraid of looking back a year from now and feeling like I have failed. I am scared that my laziness will kick in and I'll stop trying and end up disappointing myself.

What I'm really saying is, I need more time. I need time to prepare myself, my home, my family to make a change. I can commit to that though, to the preparation, to the emotional training. A little more study and thought and prayer, and I think I'll be ready soon.

for reals

Today I saw a happy sight: A little flicker of a heart beat.

Baby #3 is on its way - for reals. Another summer baby. :)

I've been sick, which is promising. I've never been so grateful for barf.

Ana asked if I can ride a donkey now. Jack told me he doesn't want my stomach to get big.


I think 2011 will be a great year for our family. (Resolutions coming soon!)

monday, monday

Back in the routine today. Not that we have a great routine. We usually stay in our pjs until 10 or 11. Watch a bit of TV first thing in the morning. Generally laze about for most of the morning until I decide to get my butt in gear. That's our morning routine.

And since I'm not quite ready to start the laundry again - (I feel like I just got last weeks laundry put away.) (Actually, I still have a batch in the dryer that's been sitting there for a few days, yet once again we are out of clean clothes.) - I'll just spend some extra time and post a few pictures that our friends took over the break.


playing in the snow/sledding:









While Dave and I were gone, our friends introduced the kids to fondue:



We had an awesome break with Dave home. Although most of his time was spent taking care of sick people, I think he had a good time too.

Happy first Monday of 2011!