on being "good" at stuff

Let me tell you a story.

I began my college career as a music major. I auditioned for the woman's choir and started several music courses. Only I didn't make the choir and my first day of my Diction course scared the crap out of me. So I decided I wasn't good enough for music and dropped that class and picked up a political science class. I loved that class. (I actually loved my music theory class too, which I didn't drop.) But BYU-Idaho didn't have a PoliSci major at the time, so I changed my major to Social Sciences Education. And I loved my history classes that I took for that major. But I didn't really want to get an education degree. I had also taken a journalism class, which I loved, so I changed my major to Communications. I actually stayed at that major for a full 2 years. During that time I took a general human biology class and LOVED it.

Then I got married. Then I got pregnant.  Communications got boring and I had no interest in marketing or advertizing or broadcasting and got really really bored with my teachers telling me to network. So I started taking Health Sciences classes. Dave and I took Anatomy and Physiology together and I loved that class. Then Ana was born. And I really wanted to graduate but I was kind of all over the place.

The day before Ana turned 1, I graduated from BYU-Idaho with a Bachelor of Arts in University Studies, with an emphasis in Health Science and Communication. I was so happy! I cherish that piece of paper.

Graduation day 2007

Fast forward to now. I miss school. I want to go back so badly. I love sitting in class and writing notes and writing papers and taking tests. I know, I am a nerd. The cool thing is, our top two residency choices offer tuition reduction for residents' spouses.  Which means you can bet that I will be taking classes.

As you can tell from my prior college experience, I am interested in a lot of things. I didn't study much hard science or math in college, but I would really, really like to. I do math in my head all the time. I am always looking for patterns and analyzing statistics. One of my favorite classes in college was Epidemiology, which is very statistics based. I am always asking Dave science questions about things like water displacement or other nerdy subjects. So, randomly I go on websites and look up Master's Degree requirements. Today I was looking up getting a second bachelor's in Math. Reading the list of required classes made me nervous. What if Calculus is hard? Can I even do it? Am I smart enough to take classes like that?

And then I had an epiphany.

Why do we think we have to be "good" at something in order to enjoy it?

I am not "good" at running. When I was in the peak of my physical fitness, I ran a half marathon and barely managed 10 minute miles. That is twice as slow as those who run the Boston Marathon.  And they run twice as long. But I really enjoy doing it. It feels good. It makes me happy.

That first day of college I got scared because I was afraid I wasn't good at singing and I quit. It probably would have been hard. I would not have been the best singer in the group. But I enjoy singing and that might have been enough.

So many times I get down on myself about my mothering skills. Just this morning I was trying to get Ana to do something and was failing miserably. She refused. Dave walked in and within 2 minutes she was on the right track. Stuff like that happens a lot. I often get down on myself that I am not "good" at mothering. (This morning I decided to just be grateful for Dave instead.) But just because someone else is a more natural parent than I am doesn't mean I need to feel frustrated all the time. I can still enjoy myself.

I still don't know what I will study when I go back to school.  But I am not going to let my perceptions of what I am "good" at (a.k.a. what comes easily/naturally) determine what I aim for. I can enjoy things even if I have to work really really hard for them.

this morning

My goodness time is slipping by.

This morning after I got the kids off to school I wanted to do something. As part of my new morning routine I have told myself not to get on the computer until my morning chores are done. You know, cleaning up breakfast, starting the laundry, etc. But this morning I didn't just want to hum around the house, I wanted to dig in. So I decided to tackle my sewing stuff. I went through all my fabric and notions and patterns and projects. I decided which things to actually mend, and which repurposing/mending projects to give up. I consolidated all my fabric into 2 boxes instead of 4. I was even able to free up a set of drawers for Katie's clothes, which had been on her bedroom floor in baskets and were impossible to keep neat. 

It felt good to get something very productive done. It felt like I just gave my stressed-because-I-am-about-to-move- self a little present by getting one project done. 

But I did stop in the middle and do puzzles with Katie and eat lunch with her. That felt good too.

That's all I have to say about that.

new year's resolutions

As I peruse my list of resolutions for this year, one thing pops out in my mind.

I must be craving a routine.

Seriously, for the last several months, I am mostly flying by the seat of my pants. Some mornings I get busy and do stuff, some I just sit around. Most days I feel frazzled and frustrated. Often I see my kids as interruptions of all the stuff I have to do instead of the reason I do it all.

So, that's going to change this year. I am ready to get cracking and making my days more purposeful and routined. Maybe then Katie won't fight quite so much when it is time to get dressed or go pick up the kids. Maybe then it will be easier to not let the computer suck the life out of my day. Maybe then I will actually get healthy if I have a set aside time to exercise. Maybe then I won't let the day go without reading my scriptures if it is part of my routine.

Specifically, my goals are:

1. Exercise regularly and eat more fruits and veggies. (I want to write more about this later.)

2. Read the Old Testament. (This is the one book of scripture that I don't think I have read cover to cover. So I am going to.)

3. No computer time until my morning routine is done. (I mean seriously, if I expect my kids to get their morning stuff done before TV, shouldn't I hold myself to the same standard?)

4. Speak more kindly. (This one isn't quite so routine-y, but I think it will come more naturally as I do the above things. It seems like it is already.)

I will also say a word about New Year's Resolutions. I have decided the reason why people (me included) are less than successful every year is because they try to focus on everything all at once. I think we would all have more success if we took smaller steps and focused on one thing at a time.  If I work out one day but the rest of my morning wasn't as routined, (I made up that word) that is still a success. If I was really kind to my children but seemed to miss my exercise, that was a success. If I get them all in, great. But if not, it is okay too. Also, we focus on the negative things. We want to LOSE weight. We want to yell less. We want to waste less time. And then when we mess up we beat ourselves up about it. Maybe I am the only one who does that. This year, I am focusing on positive things and praising myself for my successes instead of getting down on myself for the slip ups. That is my success plan for the year.

I know not everyone is into Resolutions. I am. I like the clean slate and a fresh start. I like that there is an easy way to categorize life and change. I like that I can look back on a year and say, "That was the year I _____."  The year is an objective measure of time.  And so many things about life are not objective.

starting off with a bang

I have been trying to get to posting this for 2 days. I finally have a minute in between cleaning up Christmas and getting the kids back into routine.

We have had a memorable first week of 2014. Its been kind of a little crazy, truthfully. Here is a recap:

Wednesday: Took the kids the see Frozen. Such a cute movie! It was Katie's first movie in the movie theater. I wasn't sure how she would do but she sat on my lap watching intently the entire time. We have been singing "Let it go" all week. The kids were super grumpy this day, given the fact that they were up til midnight the night before. Are we the only ones that let our kids stay up? The movie was a welcome ray of sunshine in the day.

Thursday: Jack and Ana and went back to school. Half way through the day I picked up Dave to take him to a dentist appointment when we heard the heartbreaking news from the Larsen family that one of our nephews died. He was 21. He was a fun, kind, unique guy and he will be missed. We wish we could have been there this week with the family.

Saturday: We went to Dick's Sporting Goods to make a return and afterwards ran into Old Navy to check out their clearance. When we returned to the car I realized I had locked the keys inside. So in the freezing cold weather we walked our kids a couple blocks to the grocery store where our neighbor and friend, Sara, happened to be grocery shopping. When she finished she took Dave home where he picked up the Buick and the extra keys to come back and get us. I did our grocery shopping while we were waiting. He stopped on the way to get gas and then the Buick wouldn't start back up again. At all. By this time I was done shopping but it was too freezing to go anywhere so the kids and I camped out on a bench while we waited. I had a bag of Reese's Pieces in my purse so I asked the kids questions they had to answer to get one. They really did great. We were there about an hour. Meanwhile, Dave called our friend to come back and pick him up, push the car into a parking space and drive to get us. Dave knew what the Buick needed - there was a screw into the battery that was completely stripped and wasn't functioning anymore - so we stopped at the parts store to pick up a new part. At this point we were 2 hours late for some dinner plans. Later that night Dave went back to fix the Buick. He replaced the part and now it starts right up.

Monday: While the rest of the country was getting freezing temperatures, we had a day of warm(ish - 40*) weather and rain, rain, rain. Which happened to flood our basement just a little. Nothing too major, though.

Tuesday: Temperatures dropped and everything froze. So now we have a nice, thick sheet of ice on everything. So thick actually that Ana strapped on her ice skates and was skating on the sidewalks and driveway.

( It is supposed to be warm again this weekend. (Warm is relative when you live in the Northeast). I hope it melts everything.  Then it can go back down to cold and we can have a nice snow. Right now it is ice on top of snow on top of ice on top of snow. )

So, now that we have that week behind us, it is time to get in full gear into my New Year's Resolutions. I have made my list and feel like I have been doing pretty well. A post on that will be forthcoming.

Here's to 2014!