lessons of my twenty-eighth year

*I grew up in a bubble. Not that I was sheltered, per se, but somehow my personality created a bubble of oblivion around me. I was blissfully unaware and content with the world. I saw everything in black and white. There was right and wrong. Good and evil. Virtue and vice. And not much in between.

My 28th year taught me that there is a lot of gray area. There is middle ground. Answers to problems are complicated. Good people do wrong things. What is right for me might not be right for everyone. This is an uncomfortable realization and I'm not quite comfortable with it yet. But it makes me more compassionate, and that is a good thing.

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*Last August I had a baby. It was an absolutely wonderful, empowering experience. I was able to stay calm and breath through the pain, and just when I thought I couldn't go any longer, I had a baby. And I said to Dave, "I did it! I did it!"

My 28th year taught me that I can be calm. That even though it isn't my nature, I can be the eye of the storm around me. And I learned that I can do amazing, powerful, hard things.

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*When February and March hit with their unceasing clouds and mix of rain and snow, I sunk low. I cried a lot. I fretted and stewed. I paced my house and saw all my imperfections. I talked to friends who experienced similar things, and that helped. Then the sun came out and I was lifted even further. And I feel much better now.

My 28th year taught me that it is okay when I feel down in the winter, that it happens every year and that it will probably happen next year and that is okay. I will get through it, and when the sun comes out and the trees turn green I will feel better.

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*At the bottom of my low time I turned to anything I could think of to help. One lonely night I purchased "The Sound of Music" soundtrack. The moment the music started, my soul was lifted. "My heart will be blessed with the sound of music and I'll sing once more" resonated with me in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I laughed listening to "she climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear" because it reminded me so much of a certain daughter of mine. Then I heard "despite what you see I have confidence in me" and I felt like I could do anything. For the next few weeks I listened to it and any other uplifting music voraciously and started to sing to my children more often.

My 28th year taught me not to forget the power of good, uplifting music to calm and heal a troubled soul.




Today I am 28. Perhaps I really am "one year older and wiser too." My 29th year so far as been wonderful. I have a loving, affectionate husband, mostly sweet, happy children and the blessing of being able to stay home with them all. I have my health, great friends and I got to eat my favorite cake. Life is so wonderful!

spring summary

My family rocks. Since the sun finally came out from behind the never ending gray of the northeast winter, we have been soaking it up. And that sunshine has shed some light on the fact that my children are cool and hilarious and fun and awesome!

Katie is happy and delightful. Jack is silly and loving. And Ana is so stinking big! When did she stop being little, by the way? Dave put together this recap video of the last couple months. (Watch to the end, because Ana has a big announcement...)



My oldest child has got some serious moves, am I right?

here

Here is my baby:


Here is my baby crawling on our sidewalk while my boy roller skates:



Here is my boy being silly:


Here is my older girl striking a pose:


Here are all my children playing outside on a glorious north-east evening:





Here is happiness.

bingham falls

Saturday was a beautiful day. It was everything that I love about Vermont summers. It was warm and green and sunny and not too humid. Dave had the day off, so in between Ana's soccer practice and an afternoon cookout with some friends, we headed up to the beautiful Bingham Falls, which is about an hour from here. The hike down to the falls was nice, even though it was a bit treacherous at near the end. It was fun to let the kids play in the water, and there was even a small little sandy area near the bank.





Ana was very set on getting in the water. It was cold, but she didn't care. By the way, when did she get so tall and thin and long-legged? She's such a big kid to me lately.



Eating our lunch on the rocks. Jack was nervous about the water, especially after Dave slipped and brought both kids down with him on the trail. But after a few minutes of throwing rocks in the river, he gained quite a bit of confidence. Although he wasn't interested in getting in the water.


Katie was a bit grumpy due to cutting her top two teeth, but even she enjoyed the "beach."


I was a bit overcome by the beauty of the place. It was so green and serene and peaceful. I'll miss these "green mountains."

on my mind

I've done a lot of soul searching the last few months. For whatever reason, I looked at myself, and what I saw was frustrating. Short tempered. Messy. Scattered. And a lot of negativity. I'm working on that for sure.

But, for better or worse, I've learned a few things about myself in the last few months.

1. There are some things I care about that I wish I didn't. Like housework. I don't want to care. But when my house is a mess (and it usually is) my stress level rises, and I feel out of control. This makes me think that I need to just realize that I care about it and make a change, instead of pushing it aside and telling myself I don't care.

2. There are some things I don't care about and wish I did. Like fixing my hair, wearing makeup, fixing Ana's hair, making sure Katie wears a bib when she eats, and dressing my children in matching clothing. I want to care, but I don't.

3. Music soothes my soul. I've know this, yet somehow I forget it. And then I listen to The Sound of Music and my heart feels a million times lighter.

full hands and heart

October 2011

Last week I had several people, upon seeing me out and about with my 3 children in tow, make the comment, "You have your hands full."

I came across a quote a while back that describes how I feel in moments like that. "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."

It's a little cheesy and wordy to say to a perfect stranger, so I never know quite how to respond. I usually just smile and say, "yes" and every once in a while I say, "full of good things." Because that is how I feel. My hands are full. It seems they are filling faster than I can keep up. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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Last week I was helping out in Ana's classroom, like I do most Monday afternoons. I always have Jack and Katie in tow, and I tote Katie on my hip and Jack finds blocks or cars to play with. Last Monday one of Ana's classmates said to me, "Where does the baby go when you are at work?"

I smiled and said, "I get to stay home with them."

It is too bad that working moms are the norm these days.

I always find it interesting when people say, "I don't have the luxury of staying home."

Before starting medical school, we lived in a rented two-bedroom house. The wall-paper was peeling off the walls. The bathroom floor linoleum was cracked so bad I didn't even want to stand on it. The pantry was dark and the kitchen was carpeted. In the winter, I couldn't run the vacuum and the bedroom heaters ((at the same time)) without tripping the breaker. The washing machine had to drain through the kitchen sink because the pipes froze up. Our health insurance cost more than our rent and scrimped and saved to go on a 5 day getaway for less than $500. I stayed home.

I wouldn't call that luxury.

My sisters and my friends have had similar stories. Stories of going without a lot of things because being home with the kids is more important.

I made a choice to stay home. I know that is not always possible, and I am so grateful for having a choice. I still wouldn't call it a luxury. It is a choice.

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Yesterday Dave was at the hospital all day. He left at 6:45 am and returned at 8 pm. How fitting that for Mother's Day, I spent my day being a mother.

And since motherhood is happy, it was a Happy Mother's Day after all.

Ana is home sick today. I have loads of laundry and dishes and housework to get caught up on. And lots of hugs and snuggles to give.

a mid-week break

Dave had the day off.

I was glad for it too, since it was going to be a busy day. Jack had a dentist appointment, and Ana had her birthday celebration at school, since her birthday is in the summer. So, Dave took Jack to the dentist, then we made cupcakes and ran to costco and then to Ana's school.

After school, we decided to take the kids out the the Lake Champlain causeway, which is a bike/walking path that spans the lake out to one of the islands. We started at a nearby park and Dave and Ana rode their bikes while I pushed the other two in the stroller.

It was a fun, relaxing way to spend the afternoon.










It started to rain on us after we got back to the park. We made it just in time. This place we live is so beautiful!

happy anniversary to us!

Photo by Heather Dahle

Dave and I have been married 7 years today!

That qualifies me as a marriage expert, I'd say.

No, not really. But since half of all marriages end in the first 7 years, it is somewhat of a landmark. Either way, over the last 7 years I've learned a thing or two about marriage. So I thought I would write them down. We'll call them my "rules."

7 Rules of Marriage:

1. Use discretion when sharing problems.

This was one of the first pieces of advice I got. In fact, I came into marriage feeling very strongly that this was something we needed to do. Perhaps it is because of my "heart on my sleeve" tendency that I felt like I needed to watch myself in this particular aspect of marriage.

The fact is, problems happen. As spouses, we don't always get along. Some things annoy us. Some things hurt us. But that does not mean everyone needs to know about it. In fact, usually NO ONE needs to know about it. Because when we have kissed and made up and I have moved on, other people do not. My relationship with Dave is between me and him and God. Of course, occasionally it helps to discuss little matters with a trusted sister or friend. It helps to know that things that bother me are usually just attributes of men in general and not Dave specifically. But I use discretion.

2. It is better to say "Yes!"

I have learned, that most of the time, it is better to say yes. When Dave makes a request, I try to find reasons to do it, and to be enthusiastic. Sometimes this is easier than at other times. But Dave is much more spontaneous than I am, and when I say yes, I rarely regret it. And it brings some great memories.

3. Be Loyal to each other.

Stand up for your spouse. Don't say something about them unless you would say it in front of them. Talk positively to others about him and think positive things about him. Along with this, I would say to respect their wishes, even when they are not around. Don't brush off their feelings. If it is important to them, it should be important to you.

4. Don't let the "d" word enter the equation.

Divorce is not an option. We made sacred covenants to love and care for each other. We are both doing our best to be faithful and loving. Everyone makes mistakes. We are committed and we both work to resolve issues because we are in it for the LONG HAUL (i.e. eternity).

5. Take time to connect.

For some people this means weekly dates. For us it means, often, sitting on the couch next to each other. Telling each other about our day. Calling throughout the day just to say hi. It makes a difference.

6. Be happy to see each other.

When I smile at Dave when he gets home, even (especially) when I don't feel like smiling, the evening goes much better. Besides, no matter how bad my day has been, I really am GLAD he is home.

7. "How can I help?" are magic words.

I like knowing that I am doing what I can to make Dave's life easier. So if that means picking up his socks and fixing dinner, then I am going to do it. Service in the home is the most important service we can do.



I am not a perfect spouse. I am still learning lots of things. Perhaps another 7 years will change some of these rules. Either way, I am so glad I am married to this man. These 7 years have been wonderful.

nine months

Katie is such a light in our life and in our home. We are all completely enamored with her. Ana loves to pack her around and play with her. Jack is so sweet to her and smiles and talks to her often. As I have said before, it's like she's always been here.






At 9 months, Katie:

*weighs 19.6 lbs (65th %)

*is 29 inches (92nd %) long.

*babbles "dadadadadada" and "mamamamama" and occasionally "ananananana."

*smiles and giggles a lot.

*holds on to mommy for dear life and does not like to be put down.

*crawls everywhere. Nothing on the floor is safe from her clutches.

*has starting venturing up the stairs, but only when Mommy has left her downstairs.

*is always so happy to see Jack in the morning, Daddy in the evening, and Ana in the afternoon.

*loves yogurt, cheese, eggs, strawberries, peaches, sweet potatoes, peas and GRAHAM CRACKERS!

*usually wakes up once or twice at night, but the last few nights has slept all night and Mommy feels wonderful!

*naps irregularly and unreliably and wants to nurse to sleep every time. This might be getting better though.

*is such a bright, happy, wonderful baby.