i want to remember ...

... the conversation I had while walking the dog with Katie last week. She mentioned that people often tell her she is cute. I asked her if people tell her she is nice. "Yes." Friendly? "Yes." A hard worker? "Yes." "Good," I said. "I always want to hear that you work hard and are nice to people." She then said something that I think is really profound. "But, Mom, sometimes my feelings take over."  Yes, I thought. Sometimes my feelings take over too.

... Charlie requesting "Edelweiss" for his bedtime song and singing it frequently throughout the day.
(I have an adorable video of this, but don't have it uploaded yet.)

... Ana telling me that even though some people drift away from their parents as they get older, she feels like she is the opposite.

... that Jack always has friends coming over to play.

We are so lucky to have landed here.

a walk

Yesterday I took Charlie outside for a few minutes after lunch and before his nap. It had rained in the morning, but by lunch it was sunny and the weather warm. We began kicking the ball around with our dog, Ivy (did I mention on here that we got a dog?). Soon Charlie noticed that he could hear the garbage truck and we decided to leash to dog and go and look for it. We opened the fence and started walking up our street. Charlie's 2 year old pace was an exercise in self-control for our high energy mutt, but I didn't mind. He is particularly enamored right now with the multitude of firebugs that emerge during Utah's spring. He would stop and lay his tummy on the side-walk and watch them crawl around. He picked dandelions and tiny grape hyacinths that grow in the grass. He picked up sticks, which reminded me so much of his older brother at that age. Eventually we circled back to our house, and begrudgingly he went inside for his nap.  I don't know why this walk struck me as significant. It's not, really. Just an ordinary moment in an ordinary day full of laundry and dishes.

two years

 Today were printed some pictures of Ana through the years for a project she is doing in school. We were looking at them and trying to remember what things were like when she was 3 and 4 and it was hard to remember.  It made me feel glad I wrote so much of it down, and also sad that I haven't kept that up because who knows but in another 5 years I will look back and think "what was Charlie like when he was 2?" I don't want to forget, but I probably will, so all I can do is take the time right now to write about it. And since Charlie just had a birthday, I thought I would start with him.

The past two years have flown by, really. I can't believe he is two already! We celebrated last Sunday with a piggy cake, and gifts and teaching him to say "TWO!" when someone asks "how old are you?" 



I was pregnant with Charlie when we moved from Vermont, though I didn't know it. We were not really anticipating have a baby in the first year of residency.  God must have known how much we needed him in our family. He has been the sweetest, easiest kid in the world. He was a calm baby, and a good sleeper and eater from the beginning.  As he has grown it has been more of the same. He has always been a good sleeper and eater. He is happy and easy and sweet. He took a bit longer to start talking, but now that he has started, he doesn't stop. He says everything. He is eager to learn - colors and shapes and names of things - and he picks up on it fast.

That isn't to say everything is easy. He gets stubborn and if he wants something there is NO distracting him away from it. And if you offer him anything but exactly what he wanted he will throw it. He also yells if his siblings start to bug him. (A habit I think he picked up on from his siblings.)  He is also small, which perplexes Dave. Most of his clothes are 18 month size. He's barely 24 pounds.

We bought two identical sticker books for Ana and Jack when we moved TO Vermont (almost 7 years ago.) They were 1000 stickers and each page had 8 or 9 stickers on it and each sticker has a very specific spot. The other kids used them occasionally, but Charlie has loved them! Finally this month he finished them off. We went on Amazon and bought the exact same one for him to do. He loves sticker books, especially if each sticker has a spot.  He also is very good at cleaning up after himself. (A habit he did NOT pick up from his siblings.) I am trying to capitalize on it now.  I want to remember that about him. I also want to remember how reverent he is when we say prayers and how much he likes going to nursery at church. I want to remember how he likes to eat "cado-cado" (avocados) and he says "Thank you" and "please" and asks to watch Daniel Tiger all the time.  He loves to color and paint and do puzzles.

Mostly, I want to remember his smile. He lights up a room with that grin. It happens quickly and easily and everyone loves him for it.

Here are some pictures from the last few months that I just adore.

seeing beautiful

I think when I blogged more I was better at seeing the beautiful things. I looked for them. I took pictures of them. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to put on a facade or paint a false picture. I am a naturally positive person, and I found a lot of real joy and satisfaction out of finding the beauty in an ordinary day. Not to say that everyday was always beautiful. But even recording those uglier moments felt peaceful somehow. Like it turned them from an unpleasant experience to simply an experience, and then time worked its magic and now even those ugly moments are beautiful.

Writing (almost) daily forces me to be present. Instagram does it a little. But mostly I post and forget. But to write about a small moment takes time and craft. I think about it. The words fill my head and trickle through the day as I think about it. It causes me to stop and watch and listen and think.

I don't do that enough.

I was reading "Oh the places you'll go" to Katie tonight and I realized that I am in the "Waiting Place."

I am waiting for Dave's crazy schedule to lighten up.
I am waiting for us to move.
I am waiting til we can start seriously looking for a house.
I am waiting for such and such kid to get out of such and such phase.

Every day I am just waiting.

And some of those things I am looking forward to, but the answer to the slump-y, waiting, staying feeling is to be present. To watch as the kids learn and grow. To look Jack in the eye when he shows me how he got 100% on the test that he felt was pretty hard. To look at the pictures Ana takes with real attention. To pull Katie up on my lap and read her stories and tickle her.  To do puzzles with Charlie on the living room floor. My kids hear "just a minute" far too often, and usually for very unimportant reasons. Not only am I missing out, but they are too. They need their mother to see them in all their ordinary glory.  Writing makes me accountable for the day and the moments that I notice.

He started in the stroller, and I didn't think twice about his shoe-less, pantsless person.  Katie and Jack also joined us (running way up ahead).  Katie was in her nightgown and my flip-flops. Ordinary glory.

re-cap

Summer came and went.

I like slow summers. Summers full of otter pops and kids playing in the sprinkler. Maybe some camping and getting together with family, but mostly just hanging out at home.

This was NOT one of those summers.


Job interviews: We went to two. One in Northern California; one in Idaho. Both were delightful experiences.

Family Weddings: Dave had four nieces/nephews get married this summer. We attended two of the weddings and one of the other receptions. So, that was busy. They all looked so happy and it was wonderful to live close enough to attend.

Boise: Dave worked three straight weeks of the night shift which is basically the worst. We don't see him at all. Even his one day off a week he sleeps all day and then stays awake all night. Plus keeping all four kids quiet requires me to be much more helicopter-y than I am comfortable with. So the kids and I packed up and headed to Boise to be with my sister. It was a delightful, though short, visit. It is awesome that Dave's family lives half way there because it makes for a convenient stop along the way.

Logan: The last week of summer vacation I went up to Cache Valley and convinced my sister to play hookie from her job to hang out at the lake. Perfect ending.

We (minus Dave) also went to my Mom's family reunion, which was quite delightful and Ana got to spend a few days at Grandma's house all by herself, which made her feel quite grown up and also homesick.


Now school has started. Katie was so excited for the first day and it did not disappoint. ("It was the perfect first day!") Jack was nervous, but his teacher is good so far and he likes it. Plus his best friend is in his class, so that helps a ton.

Ana and I are beginning home school. Everyone said to spend time "deschooling" and so we have spent the first week taking it slow. Baking, shopping, cleaning, reading, playing (educational) games, and getting lots of physical activity. I am kind of making it up as I go along. I do have a list of the standards to guide me, but when I looked at curricula nothing felt like the right fit for us. The night before school started when the kids got their back to school blessings, I asked for one too. It brought me a lot of peace and comfort. Ana and I have always butted heads a bit, and that has always made me hesitant to home school her. But I know this is the right thing for us at this time. I don't know if it will be a forever solution or just for right now, but I'm glad that I know this is the right choice. It will help me when things get difficult to know that this is what God wants for us right now. I am confident that it will strengthen our relationship.

So here we go into a new school year. There are things to be nervous about and things to be excited about and even things to be sad about since this is our final year in Utah.

Sometimes I do get nostalgic, especially when I look at pictures of my kids when they were littler, but for the most part, I am always excited to watch my kids grow up. I don't think it's sad and I don't really think "stay my babies forever." I usually think "Grow. Learn. Change. Do Amazing things. Live." A new school year always reminds me that they are doing just that. I'm happy with the people they are becoming.

it's a good time

Summer has arrived.

...sigh of happiness...

I love having the kids home. Pretty much everyone I talk to is all like "I have/want to have a good routine for the summer and the kids will do chores and homework" and I'm all like "yay! no routine! no homework!"

That's how we roll around here. But it's not like they sit around watching TV all day. They have chores (but it's more along the lines of "Ana, go pick up the living room" or "Jack, clean out the dishwasher") and they still read and play and whatnot. I love summer so much, though. Warm weather. Popsicle smiles. Running through the sprinklers. Going on hikes. And sometimes, sitting at home doing nothing.

We've had a pretty exciting summer so far.

*I turned 32.  I like being 32 so far. Actually, I love being in my 30s. I think it is my best decade yet. I actually feel like I totally like who I am. That I have talents and gifts. That I can do good things and make improvements and what not. It's very liberating.

*Jack turned 8 and then got baptized a few days later. It was a fabulous day and so far, I can tell he is taking his new responsibility seriously. Earlier in the year he was really having a heard time and I struggled to know what to do to help him. But he seems to have gotten past whatever it was and he has been wonderful lately. He also went to his first cub scout day camp and had a great time.

*Dave has had an easy schedule this month and it's been great to see him so much.

*We went on a family trip to Northern California to interview for a job there. It's a long story of how and why we ended up interviewing there, and I won't get into the details. But the town was delightful and gorgeous, the people were humble and kind, and in general we left with a very good impression. We still have a few more jobs that we are looking into, but NoCal was fun to explore a bit. It was beautiful. We even took a slight detour off of I-80 to go to Lake Tahoe and we loved every minute of the hour we were there. Okay, I didn't love pulling Charlie away. He was having too much fun throwing rocks in the lake and NOT being in the car. We also swung up to Rupert for a day to visit Dave's parents.

*Charlie is starting to talk more and more. It seems like it has taken him a lot longer than the other kids, but that might just be my imagination. This week along he started saying "some" (when he wants something) and he will sign please. He says "thank you" any time you give him something and it is adorable. He can be a little pill sometimes because he is busy and determined, but he has a charming smile that wins me over every time.

*Ana has been such a delight to have home. She plays with Charlie so much. I don't know what I would do without her. In general she is willing to do what I ask and she is so helpful. I'm going to homeschool her next year and I'm really looking forward to building that relationship.

*Katie is hilarious and as fun as ever. She is so ready for kindergarten. And this week she learned how to do the monkey bars. I am blown away by just how big and grown up she is getting. Today I was talking to her a little bit about being safe and what do if she gets lost, etc. After a few minutes, she said, "Mom, can we stop talking about this. I'm starting to feel a little sad." She has such a tender heart.

I love this life that I have. To quote Andy Dwyer (from Parks and Rec) "My whole life is a giant mess and I love it." That's pretty much how I feel. So if you stop by this summer, you will likely see toys in the yard, crafts of the table, dishes in the sink, and me doing the crossword puzzle while Charlie runs around in a diaper. You are welcome anyway. It's always a good time.

one

I can not believe this little guy is 1!

The last year went so fast and yet he fits in so well into our family that it seems he has always been here.

Here is a snapshot of Charlie at 1 year old.

*He babbles constantly. It almost sounds like he is carrying on a conversation. He also says Dada (For Dad) Da (For Jack) Ananana (for Ana) Ma (For mom) and anytime he drops something or sees something on the floor or wants to be put down on the floor, he says "Uh-oh"

*His little personality is starting to emerge and it is BIG. He already has thrown a couple of temper tantrums and yells when he doesn't get what he wants.

*He loves to laugh and laughs easily when he is being played with. Tickles, silly noises, being tossed around (gently of course), and peekaboo are some of his favorite games. 

*He adores all 3 of his siblings and they adore him right back.

*He crawls super fast and has very little interest in walking, though he does try to stand up in the middle of the floor. We have gotten him to walk a couple steps in between us a few times, but he mostly just does it for the applause.

*He gets into the trash, unrolls the toilet paper, pulls books off of the bookshelf and generally likes to destroy things.

*He doesn't sleep through the night anymore. He usually wakes up once around 4 but goes back to sleep really easily. He is still hanging onto nursing before bed, though its only essential if I am putting him down. He doesn't seem to miss it if Dave does bedtime.


We celebrated his birthday with a cake and giving him his own cell phone. We're starting them young. haha! Just kidding. But really, we gave him a toy cell phone that is about the same size as mine and lights up when you press it. He makes a bee-line for my phone whenever he sees it and gets mad if I turn the lights off. He seems to like his well enough so hopefully it will help sway him away from mine.

I can't imagine life without our little guy.

charles in charge*

I like to ask (and be asked) hard questions. I like the process of thinking things through and coming to conclusions. I like to be able to see both sides of an issue and figuring out where I stand. I don't even mind changing my mind.

But sometimes, I just want to look a pictures of my cute babies. And there are far too few pictures of my baby on here.

Little Charlies is a dream. So calm and mild mannered. A good sleeper. Patient with his older siblings. We all love him. He is smiling and starting to coo. At his two month check up he weighed a hefty 13 pounds and he is already wearing 3-6 months size.  If I would have known how chill he was going to be, it would have saved me some anxiety.

2 weeks old

3 weeks old: taken by Ana

one month

Blessing day: March 1

Blessing day: March 1

Smiling!

sleeping on the floor

2 months old and loves his hand!

...Sigh... I love my baby.


*Anyone else think of THIS theme song? Though we prefer the Scrubs version. (at 2:45)

baby boy

One week ago this little boy entered the world.

I decided to be induced and from the time they gave me pitocin til he was born was less than 3 hours. It was quick. I would like to say it was painless, but my epidural only half worked. At least it was quick. My mom came down Wednesday night and took care of the kids while we were in the hospital.

 

 The kids and Granny came up to see the baby that evening. Nothing was sweeter than Jack holding his little baby brother and beaming. He was so proud that he was a big brother and that they were going to share a room and be buddies. It was such a tender moment.

I have so many kids now. It seems like a big jump to go from 3 to 4. Luckily Dave has work off for another week.  It has been so great having him home. Ana loves to help. She is always offering to hold him and change his diaper and feed him.

We came home on Friday. I couldn't sleep in the hospital. I just wanted to watch and snuggle my little baby. The first night home I could only sleep if I was holding him. For 9 months I could feel his presence and then suddenly, we were apart. I think I was having separation anxiety. I can sleep now though. With Dave home I am trying to get as much as possible.

Charlie is eating like a champ.  He nursed right away and hasn't had any problems since. We have also given him a couple bottles, just so he gets used to the idea.

There is nothing in this world better than having a sleeping newborn on your chest. This is my favorite way to nap.

Katie has been a great big sister so far. Just yesterday he was crying during a diaper change and she was by his side, gently patting him and saying, "Its okay. Your big sister is here for you." She loves being the big sister.

So far he is a sweet and mild little baby. The other day I put him on his tummy and he drifted off to sleep and slept for a couple hours. He is sleeping well at night and rarely fusses. I know he is just a week old, but we love the calm little soul that is now in our home.

I am amazed at the timing of everything with little Charlie.  I know God's hand is working in our lives. When we found out we were expecting, we didn't know what the paternity leave was like here or what rotation he would be on, but it all worked out perfectly. Dave got to take 2 weeks paternity plus his scheduled vacation is next week. We could not have planned it more perfectly. We have had an outpouring of love from all directions. Meals have been brought in, gifts, people taking Katie for a little while, and many more people who have just checked in to ask how things are going. It has been amazing. I am so grateful to know the Source of our abundant blessings.

I hope that Charlie grows up to be as smart and faithful and kind as the two men (Dave's uncle and my dad) that he is named for. We are so glad he is here!