identity crisis

Katie isn't really herself these days.

She is anybody or anything else. 

Every day holds a new identity. 

Some of them are well-known. 

A Bee:

 Or Tinkerbell:

Some are more obscure.

A sword-wielding, sunglass-wearing, super-hero wal-mart shopper (?):

 

Sometimes she gets very specific.

Like Elsa WITH GLOVES:

 Rapunzel must have Pascal on her shoulder:

 And Fix-it Felix has Short hair because he is a boy:

Sometimes, though, she is just Katie. But she still needs a spin-y dress for all occasions.

Like eating breakfast:

Or drowning her sorrows in chocolate milk:

 (She was very distraught that her friends had to leave before she could share her bike and helmet.)

 

 

Or playing in the sandbox:

 

She keeps us smiling and laughing, that's for sure.

The only identity I object to is that of a spider monkey, but only because she insists on using me as her personal jungle gym. But she doesn't seem to be giving that one up anytime soon.

this week

Katie spelling with her blocks. OPS=Octopus. :)

I have been a little grumpy this week. I can't quite account for it.

It might be that Dave has had a few hard rotations right in a row that mean long hours.

It might be that Katie gets in bed with us every. single. night. and I am just not sleeping well.

It might be that I feel like I haven't been "caught up" on housework in about a month.

It might be because I don't have energy to do anything. And by no energy, I mean, I get winded going up the stairs, tired walking down the street, and the thought of folding and putting away the mounds of laundry makes me want to take a nap. (I found out at my doctor's appointment this week that I am slightly anemic. That may have something to do with it.)

It also might be that Katie is super clingy. Like, I can't leave the room she is in without her yelling calling my name incessantly until I come back. Clingly, as in, she insists on climbing all over me like I am her personal jungle gym at all times.

And, of course, there is the mommy guilt that makes me grumpy. The constant thought that: for heaven's sake, I'm not bedridden or throwing up anymore just get off the dang couch and enjoy these last few weeks with just you and Katie during the day and take your multi-vitamin and do I really need to check Facebook again?

Typically when Katie and I get home from walking the kids up to the bus stop (which is a 2 minute walk), I sit down and veg on my phone for a few minutes until I get the energy to get up. But this morning was different. For one thing, I was asleep before 10 last night. That is a miracle. Not because it isn't possible every night, but because I just don't do that. My body wants to sleep from 12-8. I usually don't feel ready to sleep until then. But everyone crashed last night and so did I. And Katie didn't get in bed with me until 5. That is 7 un-squished, uninteruppted,  blissful solid hours of sleep. She is still asleep, and I did start playing on my phone for a minute when I decided to study for my lesson on Sunday. Everything was still and quiet as I read the account of the First Vision. Then baby started kicking and squirming like crazy and it made me really happy. And I took a minute to enjoy him moving inside me and I felt very grateful.

I am so glad that this baby is growing and is healthy and will soon join our family. I don't feel nervous about it. I am just excited for baby snuggles and quietly rocking him in the middle of the night and watching the kids love him. I just know they are going to love him. The other day we were all watching a movie together as a family and he started kicking and all the kids felt him. They love him already.

I am grateful that, so far, I have handled this resident-spouse thing pretty well. I was nervous about how the stress would affect our marriage and our home but so far, I feel like I have been alright. There are definitely stressful days, but I have managed to deal with things pretty evenly so far. I am not trying to say how awesome I am. I truly think it has been a blessing from God.

I am also glad that, somehow, when I drove to Logan to see my awesome sister perform in a melodrama and Jack barfed all over the car and Ana's knee started bleeding and Katie peed her pants all in about a 30 minute period, that I was able to laugh about it. (It helped that my mom was there to pick up cleaning supplies at Wal-Mart for me since I had absolutely nothing in the car.) My sister performed beautifully, all my kids survived and loved the play themselves and I had a good nice chat with another sister on the way up and back so it was all worth it.

Life is good. Yes, it is challanging at times and, yes, I don't always handle everything with the calmness and grace that I aspire to, but, truthfully, it is good.

And now I think I will tackle the laundry.

A semi-homemade halloween

I realized this year that my favorite Halloween costumes are ones that are semi-homemade. The ones that are made from things that you have around the house or can pick up at the thrift store and put together into something that looks great. I have noticed that is the route I usually go and I am always happy with the results. This year we had:

Dracula's wife

Superman

A cheerleader

Ana vacillated a bit early on in the decision making process, but finally settled on Vampire. Her cape was made from a black sheet I found at a thrift store. The only other thing I bought was her teeth and make-up. For her those were non-negotiable parts.  I just winged it for the cape and there are a couple things I would do differently if I did it again, but what can I say, I am a "good-enough-ist."

Jack decided to be Superman and stuck to it. He can be a bit particular, but he was totally happy with the results of his put together costume. We had the cape leftover from a friend's birthday party. The shirt and leggings I found at DI and used felt I had already to make the logo. The red shorts are a pair of 3T basketball shorts he has been wearing to bed for years. I just folded them up to make them look shorter. The most expensive part was the brand new socks I bought for the boots, but I like the way it turned out. And so does he. He has been wearing it as much as I would let him over the last week or so, including up to Dave's Park City retreat last weekend.

Everyday for the last month, Katie has said she wanted to be a different thing for Halloween. Whatever dress up she was wearing that day, that's what she wanted to be for Halloween. "I want to be Supergirl for Halloween." "I want to be Tinkerbell for Halloween." "I'm gonna be Rapunzel for Halloween." etc. etc. Last weekend she found our cheerleader costume and wore it for two days straight, so it was easy to convince her to wear it. Though, Halloween morning she almost changed her mind to the bee costume we have.

My favorite thing about this year, though, is that when Katie came home from trick-or-treating, and saw that I had to turn away a couple kids because we ran out of candy, she put her candy in the bowl so that we would have some if kids came by. She was so happy to do it, too. Even when she went to bed she said, "If I hear the doorbell, I will say 'Give them my candy!'' She is such a generous little soul.

Happy Halloween!