on reading

Most weeks Dave has a day during the week where he is home. Whether it is because he is post-call or working the evening clinic, or gets a weekday off because he is working the weekend, he is around a lot more while the kids are at school.

He doesn't quite know what to do with himself. Years of having NO time for yourself sometimes means you forget what to do with yourself when you have a chance.

I went to bed sick on Monday, and he was on call that night. He was up at 5 a.m. with a call and stayed awake. He let me sleep and got the kids up and going to school and took care of Charlie. After school I took the cub scouts on a field trip and Ana had activity days so he took the younger kids to the store for a bit. That night he said to me "I feel like I didn't get anything done today."

I knew what he meant. That is how I feel most days. All the things I do get undone by the end of the day or need to be done again the next day. Some days it feels like I don't actually do anything. Because the work of a housewife is so much easier than in the past, sometimes it feels like I'm doing nothing at all. I load a dishwasher, or a washing machine. But I don't mend clothes or make butter. I don't often have a "product" at the end of the day. And I certainly don't have any sort of expertise that people need.  It can be frustrating and lonely and depressing.

But, I have read 42 books so far in 2017. I've read non-fiction and fiction - religion, social sciences, young adult and children's lit and classics and poetry. Not all the books I read are great. (I call those my "treat" or "junk food" books. Books that are just fun and light and easy and enjoyable, but not really substantial.)

People ask me how I have time to read so much. Now, four of those books were audio books and another 12 I read out loud to Dave. (We started doing that about a year ago and have really enjoyed our reading time together.) So 26 I have actually sat down and read by myself. That averages to 2.5 per month. I don't think that is all that much truthfully. But even if it seems like it, I make time because I need to read.

I make time to read because I love it. I make time to read because it uses my brain in a meaningful way.  I read to be entertained, to escape, to explore, and to learn. I read to know I am not alone,* to know that I am connected to a larger, intricate world. In reading I understand myself better, I find compassion for others, and I learn about God.

I read because it accomplishes something. It cannot be undone. At the end of the day, when there are dishes in the sink, and laundry in the baskets and toys on the floor, (even though I washed dishes and folded laundry and picked up toys), I finished something. Or at least got closer to finishing something.  I learned. I grew. My understanding of the world expanded just a bit. That's worth it to me. That's why I read.


*this idea is based off of a quote from the movie "Shadowlands" about CS Lewis. "We read to know we are not alone." I watched that movie years ago and I think about that idea often.

stories

"Tell me a story." I think this was the basis of my courtship with my husband. We would be sitting on a couch - in his apartment or mine or in a student lounge somewhere - with his legs stretched out over mine and he would ask for a story. And then I would tell him of something that happened when I was little, or past boyfriends, or whatever experience came to mind. He would tell his stories too. We both had relatively light-hearted and happy childhoods, so the stories were usually happy. And then we decided to have to same story for the rest of forever. And I think we are just about to the point where we know all of each other's stories. Once in a while, though, a story will come out that we don't know. I like it when that happens.

I am currently reading this book. It was recommended to Dave by a doctor and after he was done I picked it up. It is a collection of stories by a pediatrician turned grief/cancer counselor and it is full of beautiful stories of life and hope and faith and truth and, mostly, healing.

Everyone's life is a collection of stories. We all have painful stories. We all have triumphant stories. We all have stories of turmoil and stories of peace. We have stories that teach us obvious things and stories that we wonder what the lesson is for decades. As we share these stories, we connect to others. We bless their lives and our own. We give and receive and learn about ourselves and others. We learn to love - truly and deeply. We become less judgmental.

In this era of social media, I hope we don't forget to tell our stories. Blogs are wonderful for sharing stories and that is one of the reasons that I love them.  In fact, sometimes I get so caught up in strangers' stories that I forget that the people in my life that I love the most have wonderful stories that I am not hearing.

Recently we have started sharing stories around the dinner table. Dave and I take turns telling the kids things from our past. There have been a few of Dave's stories that I haven't heard yet. I love it when he tells the kids his stories, even the ones I already know. They love it too. When I tell Ana that I know how she is feeling, she wants to hear the story about it. Often it helps her deal with her emotions. 

When I was young I used to beg my mom to write down her life story. She always said that there was nothing to tell. But the stories I have heard over the years have brought a lot of strength to me. Like the time when she was pregnant with her 5th kid and my dad was writing his master's thesis. My dad had never learned to type, but Mom had so she would stay up late with him while he wrote it out by hand and she typed it. While he was writing she would lay down on the couch and sleep and then wake up to type some more. That is love. Or the time she had such a rough time handling the kids in sacrament meeting while my dad was in a bishopric or overseas or something and so afterward she went home and skipped the rest of church. I was shocked to hear that from my mother, but also relieved because she always seemed like she could handle anything and I was so far from that. Suddenly I felt like I was probably doing just fine.

I love the subtitle of the book: Stories that heal. Sharing our stories, around the world and around the dinner table, can heal our hearts, our lives and probably the world.

this week....

....Dave is home after finishing all of his 3rd year rotations. Coming up: studying for USMLE Step 2 and a rotation in SLC, during which we will all be traveling home. Yay! I somehow spend significantly less time on the computer when Dave is home. I don't know if it is because he is using it, or if I just want to prove my productivity (since the cleanliness of our home clearly doesn't prove that). Either way, we are here, hanging out together.

....I am spending a lot of time reading our book club book: The Gift of Fear. Very interesting and empowering.

....Katie had her 18 month check-up. She was approximately 22 pounds, (we couldn't get an accurate reading because she was screaming during the weigh-in, which really caught me off guard because she is generally a happy kid) and as soon as her diaper was on and she was let down off my lap, she put her clothes back on. She also eczema.

....I have been up in the night with a certain toddler. For whatever reason, she just isn't sleeping well lately.  And her hair is permanently crusted in food. And her favorite word is "mine" or some variation like "MY cracker" or "MY seat" or whatever. But she is adorable and smart and generally happy.

a book review: the alchemist by paulo coelho

So, I missed book club tonight. It is funny because I've been looking forward to it ever since I finished the book last week. Even this morning I asked someone if they were going. Yet somehow 7:30 came and went and I totally spaced it. At 8:45 I realized I forgot, thought about going anyway, but realized that since my kids weren't in bed and Dave needed to run a quick errand and Katie was going crazy, it just wasn't in the cards tonight.  Book Club is my aboslute favorite girls' night and so that was a bummer. But that doens't have to stop me from sharing my thoughts on the book. (If you haven't read the book and want to, my review contains spoilers.)


The Alchemist is a story of a young man who leaves his life as a Spanish shepherd after a vision he had tells him to go the pyramids to seek a treasure. Encouraged by an old, wise king and directed by omens, he sets out on his way to seek his "personal legend." He encounters problems along the way, but perseveres until he reaches the pyramids and eventually finds his treasure close to home.

On the surface, it seems the message of the book is to seek out our own personal legends. The journey toward our dream may be fraught with dangers and discouragement, but it is worth it. Yet, there seemed to be an underlying theme of "living in the present." One of my favorite quotes was from a seer that the boy sees, wanting him to tell him the future. "If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise," said the seer. "If bad things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur." ... "The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it.  And if you improve the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity."  Eventually the boy learns that his treasure was closer when he was home tending sheep than to the pyramids.  This message seems somewhat conflicting. Was the boy living in the present by selling his sheep and heading to the pyramids or was he focused on some future thing? Could he have discovered the treasure by staying closer to home? Of course, along the way he learned many things and found his love, so the journey itself was a big part of his life after the treasure was obtained.

I am a little conflicted about seeking our own personal legends as well.  I firmly believe God has a plan for his children and that when we have decisions about our life to make, that God cares and will help us make the best decision. That being said,  I also believe He wants us to "do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness." (source)  And I don't know if there is one thing that we are "supposed" to accomplish. If there is, I haven't figured it out for myself yet. Is there something I am missing? Is there a risk I am not taking, that I should? You could say that being a mother is my personal legend, but then, that is not something that you mark off of a life to-do list and then move on to something else, like the shepherd boy could do.

Overall, I liked to book. It was interesting, and it definitely didn't end like I thought it would. In some ways I felt that the story was incomplete. I found myself wanting more about his life after the treasure, and why it was called "The Alchemist." Perhaps I am missing something. It will be one that I go back and reread in the future.


Have you read "The Alchemist"? What did you think?

why do i have to get so darn emotionally attached?

I just read this book for book club.

It was a good book.

I will recommend it to you, but I have a warning - it is sad. Or maybe I should just say that it is full of sorrow. But its happy too.

Its the story of a girl's life from ages 18 to 38. And she lived in the "wild west" so naturally there were all sorts of sorrowing that happened during those days.

The problem I had with this book is that I saw myself (and Dave) so strongly resembled by her (and her husband). So that meant that everything that happened to her I felt like it was happening to me.

I spent all day (literally) yesterday reading. I gave Dave a big hug after it was over and I was crying and he was like, "I really don't get this" but he gave me a hug back and smiled at me anyway. He is one who doesn't get emotionally attached to stories like I do.

This is how I am with most books that I read. Or movies that I watch. I just get so into it that I can think about nothing else. Which is why I can't put a good book down. (When we were reading the Harry Potter books together I thought of nothing else for weeks. I even dreamed about Harry.)

Anyway, I'm trying to think of something to cheer me up. I think I might need some peppy music. Or reading Pride and Prejudice (at least my favorite parts).

What I really need to do is practice the song I'm playing in the adult session of Stake Conference on Saturday. (yikes! I totally agreed to accompany someone without realizing where she was singing.) I also need to continue packing.

"we read to know we're not alone"- cs lewis

I like books.

I am so grateful for parents who read to me, with me, and encouraged me to read on my own. I remember my mom reading "The Wheels on the School" to me before bed when I was little. Books were always available in our house. We had big bookshelves overflowing with books (and I'm sure more boxes of them somewhere else) We were always given books for Christmas. One Christmas season (when we were all teenagers and young adults) we spent an afternoon reading "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" and when the power went out half way through we finished it by candle light. I'm sure we were all in tears at the end. Whenever we were bored, my mom always said, "go read a book." So now when I'm bored, I want to read a book, and I always have a book that I am reading.

Some of my favorite times with my kids are when they are up on my lap and I'm reading to them. (As long as its not "Dora and the Crystal Kingdom" that we got from the library because that book is dumb.) Or when Ana "reads" a book to Jack when they are going to sleep. So precious.

Its even more wonderful to get to share a good book with other people.

Tonight I went to a book club with a bunch of church ladies. I love it! We laugh, we cry (a little), we discuss things of great importance and no importance at all. We share ideas and feelings and stories and memories. What better way to get to know people than through a book.

So tell me, what is your favorite book? What is your favorite child's book?

Deathwatch - or - I really shouldn't read books for 7th graders

So, I just finished reading the book you see in the picture above. I heard the first half of it being read in a class at school recently while I was at work. Since then, I wanted to hear the rest of the story. I am glad I got to the end but...

*** Spoiler alert ***
I will tell you the end.
I didn't like it too much.

HERE is a link to the wikipedia page about the book with a brief synopsis.

Basically, there is a bad guy who plots and lies and tries to kill the good guy in the desert. They finally get back to the sherrif at the end. No one believed the good guy for a while until finally someone comes and proves what he was saying was true.

Also, in the desert the bad guy "accidentaly" killed an old guy in the desert.

So, the sherrif says to Ben, the good one, "He tried to kill kill you. You need to press charges - murder, assault?"

Ben says - the last sentence in the book - "No, I just came here to report an accident."

What a horrible ending. Really. I don't care who you are - if someone tries to kill you and they get caught, you press charges.

Maybe he figures the state will do it or something like that but I was very unsatisfied. Anyway, anyone ever read that book?

PS - a made for TV movie was made in 1974 based on this book. Here is a link to purchase a copy of it for a lot of money. Andy Griffith was THE BAD GUY. If you can find a place on the internets for me to watch it I will give you a million dollars. And I will love you forever. Please find it.

two movies and a book

Movie #1: I'll begin with our most recent choice of entertainment: The Golden Compass. Dave covered our general impression and thoughts: HERE.

Movie #2: On Saturday night Dave and I saw Twilight. I really enjoyed it. I hadn't read the books yet, and I thought the story was entertaining, especially once the bad guy was revealed and there was that intense conflict. I know that some people thought the acting was bad, but I didn't notice the awkward pauses as much. (I was a little distracted by how many little kids were in the movie theater. It was a little too sensual/intense for a 9 year old, I thought. But that's a whole other post). I got annoyed with Bella's heaving bosoms, but I really liked Charlie. He was my favorite character in the movie. Anyway, I thought it was worth the $4 we paid. We were entertained, and the more I thought about it, the more I liked it.

Book: I couldn't really get the story out of my head for a few days, so yesterday I sat down (all day) and read the first Twilight book. Now, my history with books usually results in serious neglect, and though I managed to feed and dress my children and myself, and wash a batch of laundry, my house was in shambles by nightfall. I did not want to put it down. So I figured I'd just finish it and be done with it. I really really liked the book. I liked that Bella and Edward's relationship became more that just heaving bosoms and passion, like it was portrayed in the movie. The lack of meaningful conversation in the first half started to bug me, and I liked it more once they started being comfortable with each other and started teasing a bit. I liked Edward, not so much for his beauty and passion, but for his restraint. And Bella's lack of it kind drove me crazy. I loved the Cullens (particularly the parents), and Charlie. As much as I enjoyed it, I don't think I'll read the rest of the books. I'm completely satisfied with where it left off and I don't think I, or my home and family, could endure my book-reading techniques just so I could end up disappointed. Besides, if I'm going to neglect home and family, I definitely prefer Elizabeth Bennett in her right mind than Bella Swan all fueled up on teenage passion and drama.

Well, now its back to mommy-life. I think it missed me!

lost in a book

Though I don't profess to be a great or avid reader, I enjoy a good book. Admittedly, growing up my idea of a good book was generally confined to cheesy church novels, and I still, I confess, enjoy the genre immensely.

My siblings and I were raised to be readers and I do believe most, if not all of us, get easily neglectful when we encounter a good book. My sister Karianne read 15 books last summer. I love getting lost in a book. The house turns to ruins, my children are neglected and I can think of nothing else as I turn page after page. Which is why, as much as I love it, I don't read as often as I would like.

The last week or so my addiction has been with The Scarlet Pimpernel, which I really liked. I have never seen the play or musical and did not know the story at all, and in the last 24 hours, the story has consumed my thoughts. This time, I listened to the book on Dave's I-pod, so my housework was not neglected. In fact, when the kids went to bed last night and I picked up the "book" again, I did the dishes, mopped the kitchen floor, and cleaned the front room. Then I picked up it this morning again and scrubbed the bathroom, put away all the laundry, cleaned up the bedrooms, fed Jack twice and put tonight's dinner in the crockpot, all the while completely engrossed in the story while Ana watched PBS. I finished at about 12:30 this afternoon.

It was a great book, and I really liked the convenience of listening to it on the I-pod. Although, when it was over, I missed the satisfaction of closing the completed book and tossing it aside, as is my habit when I finish a book I like. I usually keep it close by, and peruse my favorite parts again a few times. I can't quite do that this time.

But, at least, my housework wasn't neglected. I'd recommend the book.

I am a Mother

I have been reading this book. It's written to LDS mothers, and I found it particularly applicable to me. Its a great book with some good insights. She writes about her experiences, as both a single professional and a full time mom, and quotes many Church leaders who have spoken about the importance of motherhood.

It made me stop and reflect on my role as a mother. I thought about all the times I go on autopilot mothering, or just try to keep Ana occupied by herself instead of playing with her. While thinking of the influence that I really have as a mother, I feel like I should be a more involved mother - playing with Ana more, doing Family Home Evening more diligently, being more consistant with my discipline.

It also made me think about the "Supermom" trend that I feel is all around. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I see other moms with perfectly clean, decorated homes who seem to find time to scrapbook, have a side business, sew, bake, and whatever else. But really, I just want to be a good mother. Thoughtful, warm, affectionate, loving. What does it matter if the floor doesn't get vacuumed for one more day? Or I send a store bought Thank You instead of making them myself? Its okay. What is really important is that I am a mother.

the cure had begun

I love children's literature. It is probably one of my favorite genres for reading. I especially love the classics - particularly the Newberry Winners. I haven't read the entire list, but many of the books were in my home growing up and some of them are some of my favorites. The Giver, Maniac McGee, Holes, and Number the Stars are way up there on my list of favorite books. The other night, I decided to pick up one from the Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (Not Newberry winners, but still excellent reading) - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

There is a chapter in the book that is very touching to me. Up to this point in the story, a young boy named Eustace has been acting quite awfully on the voyage. He whines and complains and criticizes, and nobody likes him. At one point in the story, he gets turned into a dragon. My favorite part in the book is when he gets un-dragoned. Aslan the lion comes to him and tells him how to do it. He tries over and over again to un-dragon himself, but it doesn't work. He cannot do it on his own. Aslan must do it for him. It is much more painful and deep than when he had tried to do it himself, but when it is over, though he still feels raw and fresh, he is back to being Eustace.

Whenever I read that part, I think of how often I try to overcome my weaknesses on my own. I try and resolve to do better, but somehow, it doesn't work. We need to rely on the Savior help overcome our weaknesses. It is much more painful and deep than anything we can do by ourselves, but its the only way. Sometimes I think that if I keep slipping back into my old ways, it means I'm trying to do it on my own. That's probably true many times. But last night, the following paragraph really hit me hard.

It would be nice, and fairly nearly true, to say that "from that time on Eustace was a different boy." To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.

No matter what, we will sometimes still slip up. That gives me a lot of hope.

If you have not read these books, I would highly recommend them. Although I would recommend not reading The Magician's Nephew first. The order they are in now, though they are chronologically orgainized, is not the order CS Lewis wrote them in and I think it loses some of the magic reading TMN first. I would recommend reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe first and waiting to read TMN until second to last. Just a tip. Enjoy!

*i love*

the fall this year. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really enjoying fall this year. I used to not like it because it meant winter was coming. But Ana still likes to play outside so instead of staying in lamenting the cold-ing weather, I've been outside and its actually quite nice. I'm looking forward to the falling leaves, getting one of Amy's pumpkins, and Christmas. And I realized that I like to wear my sweaters, sweatshirts and my coat that I got for Christmas last year.

I also love: my bracelet that I made with my sister's beading stuff. I wear it with pretty much everything. Pride and Prejudice (the book). Just finished it for the 2nd time. Love it!

Confession #1

I love cheesy church novels. Since finishing Harry Potter, I needed something light to read and so I've read three of these books in the last week. You know the type, they all basically follow the same plot line... Girl and boy meet, usually there is some animosity between them at first, or else its love at first sight and they can't admit it to themselves. Then there is some problem - a mystery, a secret, or one of them isn't a member of the church or something like that they need to overcome. Then the end when they confess their undying love in completely cheesy terms and live Happily Ever After. I love them! Of course, some are better than others. My favorite are the mystery type. Betsy Brannon Green's books are usually really good. Two of my favorite's by her are Hearts in Hiding and Until Proven Guilty. Another one that is really good is Closing In. The 3 I read this week were pretty good. Two of them were by Rachel Ann Nunes and she can be a little overly-churchy at times. And I think Anita Stansfield gets a little too tragic in her books. The other one I read was by Sierra St James called What the Doctor Ordered and it was my favorite of the three. I like them because they are really quick reads, they are wholesome, and they are just light feel-good books.

Harry Potter

Don't worry, no spoilers here. I wouldn't even think about it. We finished yesterday at about 10:30. The house was a diaster, Ana had been slightly neglected all day and she knew it. (She started trying to push the book out of my hand.) Dave and I hadn't even really eaten all day, so Dave went and got a pizza when we were done. Its funny, though, now that its all done and there is no more speculating and wondering and thinking and theorizing, I'm kinda sad to see it go. Its the same way I felt at the end of Anne of Green Gables (the first book) when I realized Anne had all grown up and she was so much different than the 11 year old girl I loved at the first, I grieved a little over the change. I'm going to miss it. Is that pathetic? Maybe so, but I'll start a new book or a new obsession and my little grief that its over will be over too. Plus, we still haven't seen the new movie, and they'll be two more so there still is a little more to see of Harry Potter.

9 days and counting ...

to Harry Potter 7!!! I've always loved these books. I convinced Dave to read them right after 6 came out and we both enjoyed them. A few weeks ago, we re-read 5 and 6 and I am officially obsessed. I have my own set of theories for how 7 will turn out and I've been reading this website (particularly here and sometimes here) for other fans' predictions. Some could be right on, but I think we'll have some surprises no matter what. We finished 5 and 6 so quickly and I went through withdrawals so we decided to read 1-4 again to refresh our memory. I also am really excited to see the new movie. Maybe this weekend? Dave and I might venture a date.