strawberry picking

Now I have a 3 containers of delicious jam in my freezer. I think I might have to make some homemade bread tomorrow. yum!

in the pretty garden

Dave got a new video camera for Father's Day. We've been having fun with it. The videos are a lot easier to upload to share, so I'm gonna do just that!

This first is Ana giving a tour of our garden plot. (This was a couple weeks ago, and our plants are much bigger now!)



This next one is my kids' performance at the ward talent show.



Awww.... My kids are cute.

identity

Every once in a while I have an identity crisis.

When someone is struggling or making some interesting life choices, people say "they just need to find themselves." Like that is something that can be done with one experience.

At 27, I'm still trying to "find myself." Every once in a while I have moments when I think, "Is this who I really want to be?"

Am I too judgmental? Dramatic? A know it all? A poor housekeeper? Lazy? What are my talents? Do I care too much about what other people think of me?

I often think that I want to be one thing and then contradicting it in the next moment. I want to be a good housekeeper, but I don't want to be so preoccupied with my home that I neglect relationships. I want to be a fun-loving, spontaneous person, but then I find myself dragging my feet when Dave or Ana suggest some spur of the moment thing, listing all the reasons why it just isn't practical.

So then, in my journey of self-discovery, I find myself asking:

How can I be both comfortable with who I am, and willing to make changes for the better?

I have yet to find the answer.

in the last week....

*Dave finished his first year of med school!!!!! Dave now has 8 weeks off, which will be filled with scout camp (this week), an outreach project he's working on (2 weeks), a visit from his nephew, helping me "nest," taking Ana to swim lessons, and then cuddling a sweet new baby before starting school back up in August.

*Dave and I switched rooms with Ana.

*We painted the girls' room and the dresser we got for free to go in the girls' room and some thrifted frames we will hang up in the girls' room. I forgot before pics, but after pics are coming soon.

*We celebrated the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!!! I love summer and THIS is what we did to celebrate:

happy father's day

I am so grateful for these awesome fathers in my life:


My awesome dad who would do anything for his girls and who shows his dedication to Jesus Christ in a quiet, faithful way.



A wonderful father-in-law who has helped us so much and who is such a wonderful and doting Grandpa.



And, of course, to the amazing father of children. He is so patient and kind and loving with them. They don't know how lucky they have to have him as a dad.



Happy Father's Day!

conversation

Ana: I put that Jesus thing (the backdrop to the Little People Nativity) in my window so people will see it and want to go to church. I want to put up a sign that says, "We need to go to church."
Me: It's good to want to tell people about Jesus and the Church
Ana: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings so instead of telling them, I thought we could put up a big sign that says, "Everyone should go to church. It's fun there. We do activities."

a few things about the baby in my tummy

(Photo Booth snapshot. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am either non-photogenic, or just funny looking. Oh, well.)

*I am 32 weeks pregnant.

*She is super wiggly. Not so much in the way Ana was - Ana was aggressive with hard punches and kicks - but more in a "I can't get comfortable" way. My tummy is constantly moving. Dave thinks it looks like an alien is about to burst out of my stomach covered in goo - very x-files/independence day/any other alien show-esque.

*I am measuring about 4 weeks behind. I was only 2 weeks behind, and 2 weeks ago they did an ultrasound and everything looked fine. But today I went back to the doc and not only have I not grown at all, but I've lost weight. My total weight gain at this point is 6 pounds. If the trend continues, they will do yet another ultrasound next time I go in. I am also anemic.

*I am way more uncomfortable with this pregnancy than I ever was with Ana or Jack. My pelvic bone feels like it's going to crack, I hobble around for the first 15 minutes after I wake up, I toss and turn all night, and I have been getting very bad lower leg cramps. (Though I generally use them as a reason to practice my breathing). Those things make me feel like a whiner, so usually I tell people that I feel great, which is mostly true.

*I am anxious to set up the crib, sort all my baby clothes and get everything ready for the little angel. But I am resisting. Mostly because we want to paint her dresser and the girls' room and I don't want to carry everything up from the basement by myself, and Dave gets done with school on Friday.

*We are super excited for our little girl!!!

an open letter

Dear babysitter I met at the park,

I met you the other day. You were tending a couple small girls. We chatted a bit, and you told me if I needed a sitter for the summer you had openings.

I told you I stayed home, and you said, "Ah. Built in babysitting."

I just laughed, said, "something like that" and the conversation moved on to something else.

I've been thinking about that. I said the wrong thing. I want to tell you that being a mother is so, so much more than built in babysitting.


I chose this career for myself, you know. It's the only one I ever really wanted. Because "no success can compensate for failure in the home."


These children are everything to me. I am happy when they are happy and when they make good choices. I am sad when they get hurt - physically or emotionally. I stay up worrying about sleep training and eating habits and bedwetting and what to do when they just won't mind. I worry about sending them to school and how they'll adjust to the new baby.

I try teach them to be kind and loving, hard-working and fun-loving. I want them to be smart and strong and active. I think about how to help them along. I wonder when to step in and when to let them solve their own problems.

I teach them about Jesus and how much He loves them too. I teach them to pray. I take them to church and try to be an good example for them.

I lay by them at night and hold them when they are sick. I pray for them. And for me.

I hug them, and kiss them, and tell them I love them.

I am not a built in babysitter.

I am a mother. And I love it!

-Erin

three

My little boy is 3 today.


Where has the time gone?



Although, he talks and acts like a 3 year old, so in some ways he's been 3 in my mind for a while.


Here is snapshot of Jackers at age 3:

*When playing pretend or asking something nicely, he talks in a really high voice.

*One of his favorite things to do is make up silly words and use them in songs he knows.

*He doesn't really watch much TV. He'll watch a show sometimes, but mostly he just wants to play.

*He loves cars. His favorite game is called "mom-car" in which there is a mom car and the cars interact. He also loves Lightning McQueen.

*He talks very well - full sentences all the time - and he is very easy to understand.

*He likes to cuddle, be carried and held, and someone to lay down by him at night to scratch his back and sing a song.

*He learned how to pee standing up while I was in OK City.

*He usually complains if I have to shower, wash dishes, or tell him "just a minute" to any of his requests. He is persistent and a bit persnickety about things.

He has me wrapped around his finger. He is silly and smiley and it is so hard to say "no" to him.

saturday girl time

(find Ana)

Yesterday Ana was in a program called "Hope of America" that the Joseph Smith Birthplace Memorial puts on every year. It was cute to watch her, even though she mostly was just distracted with her flag and her friend sitting next to her. It was a patriotic program that honored veterans. I have to admit, I got a little teary-eyed when the band played the Air Force theme song and all the USAF veterans stood. I love my Dad and wish my parents could have been there.

Just Ana and I went down, and it was fun to have some girl time. On the way home, we stopped at a McDonalds for some dinner. As we were sitting there I asked her what her favorite part of the day was and she said, "This Mommy. What we are doing right now! It's girl time."

That melted my heart. She also told me that she loves me the same as her new friend Ella, which is quite the compliment. (I almost didn't make the cut, by the way.)

sidetracked home executive

I'm having another one of those days weeks.

As I was leaving the house at 6:45 to pick Dave up from school I looked around and noticed that I had spent all day going from job to job and not completing any of them. Things I started but didn't finish:

*dishes
*the bathroom
*the laundry
*cleaning my bedroom
*organizing my summer sewing projects
*groceries put away

So I spent all day working and now I feel like the only difference is that there are different dishes in the sink than there was last night.

And instead of finishing any of them, I am going to sit down and watch Miami and Dallas in Game 2 of the NBA finals. Since I started so many things, perhaps tomorrow it will be easier to finish 1 one of them.