baby boy

One week ago this little boy entered the world.

I decided to be induced and from the time they gave me pitocin til he was born was less than 3 hours. It was quick. I would like to say it was painless, but my epidural only half worked. At least it was quick. My mom came down Wednesday night and took care of the kids while we were in the hospital.

 

 The kids and Granny came up to see the baby that evening. Nothing was sweeter than Jack holding his little baby brother and beaming. He was so proud that he was a big brother and that they were going to share a room and be buddies. It was such a tender moment.

I have so many kids now. It seems like a big jump to go from 3 to 4. Luckily Dave has work off for another week.  It has been so great having him home. Ana loves to help. She is always offering to hold him and change his diaper and feed him.

We came home on Friday. I couldn't sleep in the hospital. I just wanted to watch and snuggle my little baby. The first night home I could only sleep if I was holding him. For 9 months I could feel his presence and then suddenly, we were apart. I think I was having separation anxiety. I can sleep now though. With Dave home I am trying to get as much as possible.

Charlie is eating like a champ.  He nursed right away and hasn't had any problems since. We have also given him a couple bottles, just so he gets used to the idea.

There is nothing in this world better than having a sleeping newborn on your chest. This is my favorite way to nap.

Katie has been a great big sister so far. Just yesterday he was crying during a diaper change and she was by his side, gently patting him and saying, "Its okay. Your big sister is here for you." She loves being the big sister.

So far he is a sweet and mild little baby. The other day I put him on his tummy and he drifted off to sleep and slept for a couple hours. He is sleeping well at night and rarely fusses. I know he is just a week old, but we love the calm little soul that is now in our home.

I am amazed at the timing of everything with little Charlie.  I know God's hand is working in our lives. When we found out we were expecting, we didn't know what the paternity leave was like here or what rotation he would be on, but it all worked out perfectly. Dave got to take 2 weeks paternity plus his scheduled vacation is next week. We could not have planned it more perfectly. We have had an outpouring of love from all directions. Meals have been brought in, gifts, people taking Katie for a little while, and many more people who have just checked in to ask how things are going. It has been amazing. I am so grateful to know the Source of our abundant blessings.

I hope that Charlie grows up to be as smart and faithful and kind as the two men (Dave's uncle and my dad) that he is named for. We are so glad he is here!

reach out

I have written a lot about our wonderful friends that we had in Vermont. Our friendships with them was almost instantaneous. We were all far away from our family, and we needed each other. We did family dinners and swapped kids for date nights and went to the park. We saw each other multiple times throughout the week. We borrowed milk and eggs from each other. We called each other when we went into labor, or hurt our back and couldn't move or needed to vent or laugh or cry. It was a unique experience and I knew nothing like that would happen again.

My absolute favorite picture of some of my absolute favorite people on earth. May 2013

It is different here. I love our ward and neighborhood and all the wonderful people I have met. They are wonderful people who love God and are willing to help anyone who needs it. We had people willing to come over and watch the kids (or have the kids over to their house) during Dave's whole kidney stone issue and I have a list of people willing to come over when I go into labor. Everyone is amazing, really.

However, because most of those around us were born and raised here and all of those needs are filled by their family. At least, that is how it seems. So, I have spent the last 6 months feeling mostly unneeded.  Not like in a "woe-is-me" kind of way. More like in a matter of fact way. I have just gone about doing my thing and letting myself be wrapped up in morning sickness and kid stuff and Dave's crazy work schedule. But I suspect that, like me, there are those - someone I see at church once a week or walking their dog around the neighborhood - that actually do need something from me.

So my resolution for the year 2015 is to REACH OUT.  I want to focus on lifting others up and seeing their needs.

Now, I realize that it might take some time to get traction on this resolution of mine. After all, we are about to have a baby and I imagine I will mostly be staying home for a few weeks. So perhaps my goal should be first, to SURVIVE. Then focus on reaching out.

I always set resolutions, but truthfully, don't always do well with them. Last year held a lot of changes for us and so it wasn't a great year for keeping resolutions. I only made it Leviticus in the Old Testament. (Partly because after we moved I started teaching a different class so I had that material to study.) Once morning sickness hit all hope for a routine went out the window.  And though I still get snappy with my kids, I think I am improving (very, very slowly) at speaking more kindly.  But, lest I think I am a failure, 2014 was a year for growing a baby, establishing a new home, and supporting Dave. In fact, I think in the last one I could say it has been the best. I don't think Dave and I have ever been more in sync with each other. Our marriage is absolutely stronger today than a year ago. I am so grateful for him every day and all he does for our family.

 I still believe what I said last year about resolutions. As long as we are working towards something, we aren't failing. It is always good to have a goal in mind. Something to look to and reach for and climb towards. Giving up because we think we can't do it or because we tried and failed keep us from seeing the best things that life has to offer. So even if I set that resolution to speak more kindly every single year for 10 years, change can still happen. Sometimes it is slow and almost imperceptible. But we are always changing as individuals. It is up to us to determine which direction that takes place.

preschool

I wonder if when we say or think certain things God laughs a little. Or maybe I have always been quick to judge and form opinions and God wants me to stop it. I have put my foot in my mouth so many times. Like when I teased my roommate roommate's boyfriend about being from po-dunk Rupert Idaho. Ha! I love that little town.

I have come to another one of those times. I always swore that 3 was WAY too young for preschool. "They need to be home with their mom," I said. I didn't even like the idea of sending a kid to preschool at all. Ana didn't go at all. Though I did send Jack to preschool, albeit reluctantly.

And this week I sent Katie to preschool. At 3 years old. She still looks too tiny for it, but man she is ready.  After years of living right next door to her best friend, Kenzie, and always having a playmate in little Zach while I was babysitting him, the past 4 months she has been going through some social withdrawals. And while I am sure I am a fun playmate, I can't just play Go-Fish or Uno all day every day. And Katie is always right there with me. I can't walk out of the room she is in without her shouting (and I mean shouting) my name over and over and over and over until I come back in. And she even insists on sleeping with me - waking up almost every single night (sometimes more than once) to come and get me or get in bed with me. We need some space. 

She is a joy and so stinking adorable sometimes I just can't stand it. Like when she puts her hand over her mouth when she is giggling. Or today when she was getting out of the car for preschool and she said, "Thanks Mommy! Have a good day at home." But some time away is okay too. With the baby coming I think it will be so good for her to have her own thing to do and to feel like a big girl. She is a big girl.

She came home from her first day beaming with joy. I think we made the right decision.

january

I love January. After the celebrations of the Holidays, I love the chance to pack it all away and reflect on the goodness of God and the changes I want to make. ("The calm after the storm" as I recently heard it called.)

Last year was a roller coaster year - full of high highs and low lows. We had the excitement of matching in Salt Lake City and the sadness of seeing loved ones pass. Dave graduated from medical school and we left dear friends and wonderful Vermont behind. We have had the news of a new baby and Dave's kidney stone episode and much more. We miss our Vermont family dearly, and as we all spread out more and more I know it is the ending of a wonderful era of our lives. We will always look back on our time there with such fondness.  The year was an eternity and yet the blink of an eye.

We have tried the make the most of living close to family. We have traveled to Idaho for Thanksgiving and Grandma's Christmas Party/Dave's birthday and again for New Year's Eve. It has been so wonderful!

As per our tradition, we stayed home for Christmas. We played with Jack's new helicopter and read books and Ana painted and Katie flitted around the house and we all went sledding and played endless games of Uno.  I thought it might be weird doing dinner alone since we have done dinner with friends the past few years, but it ended up being really nice.

My favorite Christmas scenes:

New Jammies

Katie took her role as Mary so seriously. It was the most precious thing I have ever seen

Christmas!

Painting with her new art set

Love the new robe from Grandmas

Reading. I have learned since she got this book that she likes graphic novels. She has read it twice already.

Fresh Christmas snow. Hooray for a white Christmas.

This year hasn't been my best for writing. I haven't journaled or blogged much.  I want to keep doing it.  It requires stillness and forces reflection. It requires that I focus on the good (or at least the humor) in every situation. I don't want to be so consumed with busy-ness that I neglect my need for stillness and reflection. It seems a mother's day is a day of "hyper-vigilance" - managing crises and functioning in a state of urgency. Much of that comes with the job. Writing, reflecting, being still, and focusing on things that matter most often get pushed aside, to the detriment of everyone involved.

While I haven't officially made my list of resolutions, I know that they will involve more pro-action. More time to be still. More time to write down thoughts and ideas. More slowing down and simplifying.

The baby's room is ready, and so as long as he stays put until Dave is done working his night shift rotation, we will be alright.

Hello, 2015.