30

The family at Mount Rushmore

My 30th birthday came and went last month. It was just 5 days after we arrived into town and we spent the day with my sister Shari, who bought Muppet cupcakes and let the kids pick out presents for me (Mary Poppins and a swimsuit that didn't quite fit. :) ) and then our niece watched the kids in the evening while Dave and I enjoyed an Arctic Circle milkshake.

Many woman I know dread the big 3-0, but I welcomed it. It seems like the threshold of adulthood. Sure we have been married 9 years with 3 children and have been living on our own and being all independent and stuff, but NOW I am an adult.


I remember this woman that I used to babysit for. In fact I traded piano lessons for babysitting. Now I think she was getting a great deal, but I was happy to do it at the time. She had all these little kids and was so confident and laid-back. Her oldest was probably Ana's age at the time, maybe a little older. *  I think of her quite often now. I am sure she wasn't perfect. Her house usually needed to be tidied up a bit, like mine, but she sure didn't seem hung up on it and pre-occupied and apologetic of it like I am. I want to be like her. She was so comfortable with who she was that she never seemed ruffled by appearances.  She was just real and genuine and happy. Being around her made you feel good.  My goal for my 30s is to be like that.  I probably won't ever be as laid back as she was, but I can be just as comfortable with who I am.  I don't have to seek for the approval of others. I can just be me.

This doesn't mean that I subscribe to the "This is how I am, take it or leave it" philosophy because I absolutely don't. I believe people can change and should strive to be Christlike and kind and that everyone should have worthy and attainable goals that we are working towards. In the strength of the Lord we can accomplish great things and become better, even different, people.

But I do believe we can be comfortable with who we are along the process of progression. It is a process. Seeking others' approval, passive-aggressive behavior, and defending my actions (or inactions) along the way don't help me change. In fact they inhibit real, true growth. 

So the question is, How? What am I going to do differently in my 30s? I can't do what I have always done, react as I have always reacted, speak as I have always spoken, and somehow expect to feel differently. I think I found at least part of the answer in a conversation with my mom a couple weeks ago. We were talking about people who always uplift those around them and how we want to be like that. They are gracious and kind. And they are also comfortable with who they are. So perhaps the more we seek to love others, the more comfortable we become with who we are because we no longer are seeking their approval. Our focus becomes outward instead of inward.

Songwriter Hilary Weeks said, "Don't worry about what others think of you. Worry about what others think of themselves when they are with you." And while I realize that I can't take responsibility for how others feel about themselves, I can seek to lift. I have realized that the more I seek to gain the approval of others, the more I offend them. But if I am focused on building others up, we are both elevated. Maybe that's off the subject, but I know that my friends that I am closest with, the ones that  I know absolutely accept me and love me, the ones I feel totally in my element around, are the ones that I stopped trying to impress long ago and started to just genuinely love and care for them. They are the ones who have been vulnerable around me, and I them. We dropped our defenses and simply loved each other. (That doesn't mean we always agree. Some of those friends have very different opinions about lots of different things than I do. We can have discussions and debates about things and go away every bit as friends.)

So here's to my 30s. I think they will be good. I don't know if by the time I am 40 I will be able to check this goal off my list of "things to accomplish" but I think the perspective is a good start. 

*That girl I used to babysit now has a kid. Weird.