remembering

 
A few days ago I was looking through some old photos of Ana when she was Katie's age. It's kind of fun because they really were almost the exact same age at the same time of year. Man, has time flown by. I was also reading some of my old blog posts from back then. Katie looks so much like Ana did at the age.  In fact, I have a hard time remembering Ana as a 3 year old. I am in the Katie-as-a-3-year-old phase and I keep projecting my experience with Katie on the past. But Katie isn't Ana, and Ana wasn't the same as Katie is now.

 When Ana was 3, I blogged a lot. I am so glad of that now.  When I look back and read what we were doing and how I was reacting and what I chose to write about, it brings me back to that time when it was just me and Jack and Ana at home all day.  It helps me remember.

I don't want to look back in 5 years and realize that somehow I stopped keeping a record of my life. A record of my children. I have my journal for my most intimate thoughts. And instagram for random snapshots. But I don't write much about the nitty gritty of daily life. And maybe my posts were (are?) a little redundant. Maybe they were mostly filled with Ana flitting around and me dreading the dishes. I suppose the more things change the more they stay the same. Because now I have two flitting girls and I still put off the dishes. Still, I don't want to forget this time. I especially like blogging because I tend to focus on the positive when I write here. There are times when I really need to focus on the positive. Things aren't always rosy and there are days, like yesterday, when I feel like I clean the same mess up over and over again and it leaves me feeling grumpy. That's one reason why I need to keep writing.

 I want to remember how funny Katie is. She is so serious and expressive. She says funny things and asks a million questions. She doesn't like to leave my side. If she is eating a snack in the kitchen and I walk out she will yell my name repeatedly until I come back and say, "I don't want to be by myself in here." I want to remember how much Jack likes to read out loud to me and how as long as he has a specific task he is happy but when he is bored he goes a little nutso. I even want to remember how much Ana stretches me to my limit. She is so full of life and energy that I simply can't keep up. She doesn't take no for an answer. And when little baby boy gets here in January, I want to keep a record of his sweet baby-ness.

This is important to me: that I keep track of life so that I can look back and say, "Life was good. We did hard things. We grew and learned. We witnessed miracles."