this week

Katie spelling with her blocks. OPS=Octopus. :)

I have been a little grumpy this week. I can't quite account for it.

It might be that Dave has had a few hard rotations right in a row that mean long hours.

It might be that Katie gets in bed with us every. single. night. and I am just not sleeping well.

It might be that I feel like I haven't been "caught up" on housework in about a month.

It might be because I don't have energy to do anything. And by no energy, I mean, I get winded going up the stairs, tired walking down the street, and the thought of folding and putting away the mounds of laundry makes me want to take a nap. (I found out at my doctor's appointment this week that I am slightly anemic. That may have something to do with it.)

It also might be that Katie is super clingy. Like, I can't leave the room she is in without her yelling calling my name incessantly until I come back. Clingly, as in, she insists on climbing all over me like I am her personal jungle gym at all times.

And, of course, there is the mommy guilt that makes me grumpy. The constant thought that: for heaven's sake, I'm not bedridden or throwing up anymore just get off the dang couch and enjoy these last few weeks with just you and Katie during the day and take your multi-vitamin and do I really need to check Facebook again?

Typically when Katie and I get home from walking the kids up to the bus stop (which is a 2 minute walk), I sit down and veg on my phone for a few minutes until I get the energy to get up. But this morning was different. For one thing, I was asleep before 10 last night. That is a miracle. Not because it isn't possible every night, but because I just don't do that. My body wants to sleep from 12-8. I usually don't feel ready to sleep until then. But everyone crashed last night and so did I. And Katie didn't get in bed with me until 5. That is 7 un-squished, uninteruppted,  blissful solid hours of sleep. She is still asleep, and I did start playing on my phone for a minute when I decided to study for my lesson on Sunday. Everything was still and quiet as I read the account of the First Vision. Then baby started kicking and squirming like crazy and it made me really happy. And I took a minute to enjoy him moving inside me and I felt very grateful.

I am so glad that this baby is growing and is healthy and will soon join our family. I don't feel nervous about it. I am just excited for baby snuggles and quietly rocking him in the middle of the night and watching the kids love him. I just know they are going to love him. The other day we were all watching a movie together as a family and he started kicking and all the kids felt him. They love him already.

I am grateful that, so far, I have handled this resident-spouse thing pretty well. I was nervous about how the stress would affect our marriage and our home but so far, I feel like I have been alright. There are definitely stressful days, but I have managed to deal with things pretty evenly so far. I am not trying to say how awesome I am. I truly think it has been a blessing from God.

I am also glad that, somehow, when I drove to Logan to see my awesome sister perform in a melodrama and Jack barfed all over the car and Ana's knee started bleeding and Katie peed her pants all in about a 30 minute period, that I was able to laugh about it. (It helped that my mom was there to pick up cleaning supplies at Wal-Mart for me since I had absolutely nothing in the car.) My sister performed beautifully, all my kids survived and loved the play themselves and I had a good nice chat with another sister on the way up and back so it was all worth it.

Life is good. Yes, it is challanging at times and, yes, I don't always handle everything with the calmness and grace that I aspire to, but, truthfully, it is good.

And now I think I will tackle the laundry.