at the beginning

Of all the things people say when I tell them I am homeschooling Ana, the strangest to me is "I could never do that." It's strange because I used to say that, and yet here I am doing it. It's also strange because it gives off the idea that somehow homeschooling requires some type of "super mom" that seems to have it all together or that it is somehow superior to other types of education.

I don't believe that.

I do not believe that I am a better mom than other people because of this choice.

I do not believe that home school is superior to public school. 

I simply think it is the right thing for this particular child at this time. So despite the fact that I feel like I am not cut out for it and I am nervous and overwhelmed (and excited too) I am doing it. At least for now. We might figure out something else that is better and do that.

I believe mothers want what is best for their children. They do. Sometimes that means they homeschool. Sometimes it means public or private or charter schools or whatever configuration of education they decide is best. 

I also believe that while we are always a mother, we are not ONLY a mother. We are artists and musicians and accountants and teachers. We are intelligent, capable people with wonderful gifts to bring to the world. It is just fine to want time away from your kids to be your own person. It is fine if you breath a sigh of relief when you send your kids to school because you want time to write a book or go to work or volunteer or just be able to go to lunch with your girlfriends on occasion. It doesn't make you a bad mother. In some ways I believe that is what makes you a good mother. Some of the best mothers I know are women who do something outside of Mommy-ing. Some paint. Some write. Some serve. Some work. Most do things they enjoy simply because they enjoy doing it. They let their children see them loving something. It's good for kids to see their mom doing things they love. 

Everyone must decide that balance for themselves. Who am I to decide whose parenting or educational philosophy is "good" or "bad." I simply must decide for myself the balance of being Mom and being Erin. Some days/weeks/years it is definitely tipped on the Mom side of things. I think that's okay too. My mother used to often say "there is a time and a season." When kids are little, Mom wins out. But I must hold onto Erin, even by a thread, because there will be a time when the kids are grown and I want to know who I am.

Parenting looks different on everyone. And while I think there is value in reaching out for ideas and connecting with others, I think the best parenting advice comes from ourselves. Self-awareness is a powerful tool. Knowing what we are capable of, and doing it, is hard, rewarding work. It is the work of life and parenting and education and all the rest. We can do hard things. We were born to do hard things. 

(And homeschooling is hard.)