an interview with Mom

 If ever you want to know how you are doing as a parent, just ask your kids! I asked my 3 big kids these questions and the answers were a little funny and a little insightful and all around good fun.

Trip to San Diego 2015

Katie - age 3 (and a half as she always says)

1. What is something mom always says to you? Go get your jammies on
2. What makes mom happy? giving her a hug
3. What makes mom sad? not giving her a hug
4. How does your mom make you laugh? doing silly things like dancing silly
5. What was your mom like as a child? drawing  (I don't think she quite understood this question.)
6. How old is your mom? 13
7. How tall is your mom? bigger than the measuring stick
8. What is her favorite thing to do? sort the laundry
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?  .....
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?  I don't know
11. What is your mom really good at? stretching
12. What is your mom not very good at? doing the splits
13. What does your mom do for a job? sort the laundry
14.What is your mom's favorite food? salad
15.What makes you proud of your mom? being excited (again, I don't think she quite understood this one.)
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? Peach
17. What do you and your mom do together? sort the laundry
18. How are you and your mom the same? we are both girls
19. How are you and your mom different? you're a grown up and I'm a kid
20. How do you know your mom loves you? because you give me hugs
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? kissing
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? wal-mart
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? uh, zero?

Jack - age 7 (as of tomorrow)

1. What is something mom always says to you? Please
2. What makes mom happy? playing with kids
3. What makes mom sad? I don't know
4. How does your mom make you laugh? by tickling me
5. What was your mom like as a child? playful
6. How old is your mom? 31
7. How tall is your mom? I have no idea
8. What is her favorite thing to do? play with kids
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? talk to Dad
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? singing
11. What is your mom really good at? singing
12. What is your mom not very good at? Uh, You're practically good at everything
13. What does your mom do for a job? helping kids grow
14.What is your mom's favorite food? pizza
15.What makes you proud of your mom? helping Charlie roll over
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? a person on TV
17. What do you and your mom do together? play games
18. How are you and your mom the same? we're both nice
19. How are you and your mom different? you're a grown up and I'm a kid
20. How do you know your mom loves you? she gives me hugs and kisses
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? that he's a doctor
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Out to dinner with Dad
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? I have no idea.... (after thinking for a minute) 26?

Ana - almost 9


1. What is something mom always says to you? Ana, Don't!
2. What makes mom happy? When I clean my room (which I never do)
3. What makes mom sad? When I don't clean my room
4. How does your mom make you laugh? When she makes Charlie laugh
5. What was your mom like as a child? obedient
6. How old is your mom? 31
7. How tall is your mom? I have no idea ... 4 foot 9 or 5 foot 9 (I am 5'3")
8. What is her favorite thing to do? I have no idea ... cook
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? watch TV with Daddy
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? singing or cooking
11. What is your mom really good at? cooking and singing
12. What is your mom not very good at? yelling quietly
13. What does your mom do for a job? babysit
14.What is your mom's favorite food? Pizza
15.What makes you proud of your mom? That she's good at singing and that she's good at cooking
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? Jessie  (from that Disney show Jessie, because I was a nanny once. Hopefully that's the only reason.)
17. What do you and your mom do together? get Pedicures
18. How are you and your mom the same? That we look alike. But put in parentheses that I don't see it.
19. How are you and your mom different? She likes doing chores and I don't.
20. How do you know your mom loves you? She gives me hugs and kisses
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? That's he's cute and nice
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Home
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? 22

Trip to NYC 2012

Easter 2013

Fall drive 2011

I love my kids. They are the best.

keepin' it real

Coming home from work. photo credit: Katie

How Dave spends his days off.

veggin'

I am not generally one to complain about my lot in life. A lot of people warned me about how hard residency is on family life and for the most part we've been okay. Dave's kidney stone was a rough spot, but generally speaking, I feel like I have been coping just fine. In fact, I feel like it has been much better than I anticipated. (I won't speak for Dave, though.) I get into my groove and make plans and deal with things as they come.

But sometimes it just sucks.

Because for every long day he has, I have a long day too. I can't complain to him about it, because, let's face it, he will clock 80 hours this week.

Tonight was just hard. Jack had a baseball game for about 30 minutes until they decided it was raining too hard to keep playing. I came home and made a quick dinner but all anyone ate was tortilla chips. I then spent the next 30 minutes trying to get kids to help out a bit and then got Katie ready and tucked into bed and then waited and waited for Dave to get home so I could go to a meeting that started at 7, but I thought it started at 7:30 and then he finally walked in at 8 and I probably should have just stayed home but I didn't want to so I left and caught the tail end of it. I am glad I went but then when I got home the big kids still weren't in bed and dinner was still on the table and Katie was still awake because she is the worst go-to-bed-er in the world and I was super annoyed. But then I felt guilty for being annoyed because Dave worked freakin' 14 hours in one day and I read a book and took Katie to the zoo and ignored the mounds of clean clothes that need put away so who am I to complain? Katie finally settled down and I got the kids in bed and asleep just in time for Dave to fall asleep because he has to wake up at 5:30 to start all over again.
 
Sigh...

I don't want to be a Debby Downer. Life is good. It is so good. I am so glad Dave has a good job and is getting such excellent training. He is a fabulous dad and he is humble and intuitive and I could not have asked for a better spouse.

I just wanted to keep it real for a minute. 

The end. 

Close up picture of Charlie so we feel happy again. :)

7 things I hope my kid learns playing baseball

Baseball season is upon us. This is our first year and I was nervous when I realized what a commitment it was- 2 games a week and a practice. But I must say that I absolutely love it! I actually enjoy watching the games and cheering Jack on. I am a little surprised at how much. Jack loves it too. He was nervous at first and there was one game he refused to play. But his coaches are great and now he really enjoys it. He is pretty consistent at hitting the ball and pretty fast of a runner.

But even though I really like the game and hopes he is successful, kid sports are about so much more than the hopes of playing pro. I have not preconceived notions of Jack being a superstar. But I do hope he learns a few things.

7 things I hope my kid learns playing sports


1 - Do your best.

No matter what anyone else does or how they perform, you can always strive to do your very best. It may look different than someone else's best, but the harder you work, the better you will get. You can always feel happy when you know you did your very best.

2 - You are a part of a team.

There is something wonderful about being part of something bigger than yourself. As a team, you cheer each other on. You form friendships. You set an example for each other. You share in each others' joys and sorrows. You encourage and lift up one another.  When you learn to function in a team, you learn that other people depend on us, just as we depend on them.  You learn to look for ways you can help and lift others, because when you help others do their best, it helps you too. When one member of a family or a group succeeds, it is a success for everyone.

3 - Be a good sport.

I was so impressed by Jack's teammate the other day. He was playing first base and when an opponent made it safe to his plate, he turned to him and said, "Nice hit." That is what it means to be a good sport.  One person's talent does not diminish our ability to work hard and do our best. We can always be happy for another person when they do a good job or when something exciting happens to them.

4 - Prepare

At any given moment, you need to be ready. Warm-up. Practice, practice, practice. Be ready to catch and throw. To know where you will throw the ball if it comes your way. Life requires that same preparation. Read and study. Make a plan of action and work towards it.

5 - Be flexible.

There are always unexpected things that happen. Sometimes the ball will come your way and sometimes it won't. Sometimes you will need to throw it to first base and sometimes to home. Be willing to adapt. You won't succeed if you can't adapt to the changing circumstances.

6 - Listen to your coach

He knows what he is talking about.

7 - You can do hard things

Getting better at something is hard. Trying something new can be uncomfortable. But being nervous or unsure can't stop us from trying. Dig in. Work hard. The reward at the end is so great when you try something hard and do it!


If you happen to learn how to play baseball in the process, that's great too.

mother, tell me a story

I love stories. I read and I write because I think stories are important. We all know that what makes a good book is the way the characters develop over time as they interact with conflict and hardship.  We all have our own stories, too. We have experiences that shape us and mold us. I am drawn to these stories. When we discover, uncover, and hear others' stories, we can't help but love them. We see their heart. This week as I had a chance to gather with women and they shared their stories. There were stories of heartache and stories of grace. It was beautiful. Everybody's stories are beautiful.

As I have thought about mothers this week, I have been particularly drawn to the women in my family (because my family has a lot of women) and their stories. My mother and my sisters are amazing women and though we seem similar on the surface, we all have our own stories and they are all beautiful.

My wedding 2005

My oldest sister Kelli is one of the smartest women I know. And she is also incredibly gracious, patient, and most of all, selfless. She has given up so much to give her 6 girls every opportunity in the world.

Teri's story is one of love and support to her husband as he battled cancer and then to support him some more while he served in 3 bishoprics, a high council and now again as Bishop of his ward. She also has 6 young kids.

Karianne amazes me with her ability to teach her kids to work.  And now she is a working mother herself and I know it is hard. Her family knows how to dig in, to take risks and to do hard things.

Wendy's story includes moving every few years and sending her husband off to 3 military tours in the middle east. She does it without complaining because she knew what she was getting herself into. She digs in and deals with it.

My sister-in-law Lori definitely is the cool, fun mom. She looks for any reason do special things with her kids and to celebrate them. Her story is also one of heartache when her own mother passed away from cancer. My brother definitely married up.

And then my 3 other sisters, Shari, Heather and Cindy, who aren't mothers yet but who love all their nieces and nephews (all 28 of them!). They are also women of faith and fortitude. Shari has stories of heartache and yet presses on with a smile on her face. Heather is a loyal friend to those around her and has a great sense of humor. Cindy's story is one of perseverance, particularly over the last few years as she has worked on getting her Master's degree.

I am so blessed to have such remarkable women for my sisters. I could go on and talk about Dave's sisters, who are equally amazing and of course my amazing mother-in-law, who is the best one on the planet. I am sure of it.

And of course, my own Mother. I don't know all her stories. I hope to know more of them.  I know a little of the heartaches she has experienced.  Becoming a mother myself has helped me see a glimpse of her incredible mother heart. It is full of love and worry for her children. And it is full of faith.  I think her story is one of faith. I am so grateful for the way she taught us to believe in God. I can say, like the Army of Helaman, "I do not doubt my mother knew it." (Alma 56:48)

I am so incredibly grateful and humbled to be a tiny part in the stories of these fantastic women in my life.

my family is a decade old

10 years of marriage
4 kids
7 years of school ( 3 diplomas)
4 major moves (8 different houses and thousands of miles)
3 surgeries (4 if you count Ana's teeth)

May 2005

When I met Dave I had no idea where it was going to lead. In fact, up until just before we started dating I had decided I wanted to serve a mission. I was ready to get my papers started so I could go as soon as I turned 21. After we started dating I still really wanted to go, but it just felt right and good and happy when we were together. We got married 4 weeks before my 21st birthday.

It has been a happy 10 years. Of course, there have been hard times. Times when money has been really tight and things have been stressful. Times when we drove each other crazy.  But overall, and perhaps because of those things, we have been happy. We haven't had many grand adventures. No excursions to other countries or anything like that. Our traveling has consisted of mini trips to places not far from home and a big move across the country for a few years.  Our adventures have been in studying science textbooks and chasing little feet. The last 10 years have been quite ordinary.

I am okay with ordinary. It is a wonderful, happy place to be. And I am so very, very grateful that we have had each other the last 10 years. I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me like he does. And I know he feels the same. We suit each other quite well. That doesn't mean we always agree. We have different ways of doing things. But we accept each other. He has never asked "what have you done all day?" when he comes home to a messy house. He doesn't think twice of holding down the fort for things like sister's weekends or even just a night out with girlfriends. He supports me in whatever endeavor I attempt and always tells me how smart and capable he thinks I am. He helps me to see when I am raising my voice because a lot of times I don't even realize I am doing it, I just get worked up or excited and it just happens. I don't always appreciate it in the moment, but I think I am getting better and a lot of that is because of him. And he is such a good, humble, faithful man. There have been so many times when people have told me how much it has meant to them when he has taken time to stop and visit with people or check in on them.  I am so very grateful for that quality.

2004

Engagement Photo: 2005

"studying" 2005

Wedding day 2005

Family Reunion 2005

Having kids definitely changed our relationship, but it has made it better. One of the things I love about him so much is how he is as a father. 

+ Ana 2006

+ Jack 2008

Dave is very good at making sure we take time just for us.  Almost every night seems like a mini "date." We talk about the day, watch TV or a movie, eat snacks and just be close and together. 

A little getaway to northern Idaho - summer 2009

+ Katie 2011

2011

+Charlie 2015

On Coronado, Spring Break 2015

We didn't have much of a celebration. Most years we go out to eat someplace nice but with Dave's schedule it hasn't happened yet. Dave worked today and I took the kids to church. I did make some yummy cake and then we sang happy birthday to our family. I like this idea because it helps the kids to see why this day is important.

 

10th anniversary selfie!

Here's to the next 10 years. I wonder what it will have in store.

on stages and my favorite age

I have been slowly working on turning my blog into hard copy books. I often get distracted reading some of the stuff I wrote about my kids. Time passes by so quickly. I am so glad that I have a record of some of the cute and crazy things that Ana and Jack said and did over the years.  Right now I feel like I am in between two different "stages" of motherhood.  I still have the littles - a baby, a preschooler - who I take to story time and play group and the zoo. But I also have these big kids that are going to school and doing homework and playing sports. It is a strange to be straddling these two phases. I was talking to my oldest sister today and I realized that I am the age that she was when I lived with her and nanny-ed her 4 little children. It was a weird realization. I am not nearly the mother now that she was then. She always seemed like she knew what she was doing and was very deliberate and calm. I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants.

I have to say, that, so far, my favorite age is 3.  Preschoolers are funny and happy and silly and, yes, they push their limits. Katie is in this stage and she is such an enjoyable little girl. I want to bottle her up and keep her exactly how she is. (I remember feeling the same way about Jack. I almost cried the night before his 4th birthday because I didn't want him to change and grow up.)  But since, I can't do that, I thought I would give a write a little snapshot.

*When the above photo was taken, I was nursing Charlie and trying to convince Katie to go play with Daddy since she was climbing all over me. Her response: "No, he is doing boring stuff."

*The other day, after Dave and I realized that the box to the double bed we just bought for the girls was NOT going to fit down the stairs, Katie said to us, "That's okay. We just need to try teamwork!"  She is always the little cheerleader for everyone.

*She never wants to be alone. Bedtime, going potty, getting dressed, eating a snack, etc. She always wants a companion to be with her.

*She loves playing with friends. Or anyone really. She and Jack play really well together most of the time.  Today they were playing in the snow sledding down a slight slope we have in our front yard. They are turning into good friends and I love it.

*She loves herself some screen time. Mostly she plays on pbskids.org. And I pretty sure she is smarter because of it. She knows all her letter sounds, can count to 29, can tell you about all sorts of animals (like Gila Monsters) from Wild Kratts, and has all sorts of little songs in her head that help her deal with things from Daniel Tiger.

*While we were driving in the car one time, she piped up. "Did you know that we are actually in space? Because we are on the earth and the earth is in space. So we are in space."  I guess that is what comes from having a big brother who loves all things Space-related.

*She is a good big sister. She mostly leaves Charlie alone but gives him nice hugs and kisses and wants to hold him occasionally. She is never mean or upset with him. 

*A while ago we talked about being a Peacemaker for our family home evening. It really stuck with her and she tries to be a peacemaker in our home. She also reminds everyone that "Jesus wants us to share." In fact, after learning the story of the Little Red Hen, she told me that the Little Red Hen was not nice because Jesus wants us to share. Of course, it is a lot harder to follow her own advice when she is the one who has to give up something, but she is a very generous little girl.

*She is very good at saying "thank you" spontaneously. She also likes to use big words like "hilarious" and "venomous."

*When she wins she makes a fist and says "Yes!"

Of course, she is still 3. So, it is not all sunshine and roses. Katie has quite to stubborn streak and can be extremely impatient, which is difficult when I am nursing the baby. She also doesn't sleep well, still. In fact, often I am up more in the night with her than I am with Charlie. She is grumpy and needy when she is tired (which is often) (because she doesn't sleep) and she is a picky eater.

 *Oh, and she picks out her own clothes. You can decide if it is a pro or a con. :)

charles in charge*

I like to ask (and be asked) hard questions. I like the process of thinking things through and coming to conclusions. I like to be able to see both sides of an issue and figuring out where I stand. I don't even mind changing my mind.

But sometimes, I just want to look a pictures of my cute babies. And there are far too few pictures of my baby on here.

Little Charlies is a dream. So calm and mild mannered. A good sleeper. Patient with his older siblings. We all love him. He is smiling and starting to coo. At his two month check up he weighed a hefty 13 pounds and he is already wearing 3-6 months size.  If I would have known how chill he was going to be, it would have saved me some anxiety.

2 weeks old

3 weeks old: taken by Ana

one month

Blessing day: March 1

Blessing day: March 1

Smiling!

sleeping on the floor

2 months old and loves his hand!

...Sigh... I love my baby.


*Anyone else think of THIS theme song? Though we prefer the Scrubs version. (at 2:45)

write now

When I was 8 my sister gave me her old journal. She had used about half of it and it was blue with white geese and hearts on the cover and it had "I {heart} Rolly" written all over the inside cover. I didn't care. I tore out all her used pages and began writing. I wrote about Christmas presents and who won the Super Bowl and crushes and family and church and school and whatever else my little brain thought of.

I kept writing, too. I filled journal after journal. I still have them all in a box in the garage. To date I have filled about 2 dozen journals. Granted, most of my journal writing from the childhood/teenage years are filled with boys. That's all I really thought about in those days. The last 10 years my writing has decreased, but I like to think the material is a little elevated. Sometimes I think about those books tucked away in the garage and I wonder if there really is a point. I don't often go through and read them. Usually when I do I just laugh.

Today I came across my journal from 2011-2013. Ana found it and opened its pages. She opened it to a random spot and started reading it to me aloud. I felt nervous, not knowing which part of my soul she was about to discover. She happened upon an entry about her. It told of how Ana had befriended "the new girl" and welcomed her into her heart, like Ana always does. I wrote about how I felt like Ana was an instrument in the hands of God in helping that little girl and her mother feel loved and I expressed gratitude for Ana's friendly, outgoing nature.

As Ana read the words, her countenance changed. All the frustration she came home with melted away. She blushed and hid her face for a minute. The rest of the afternoon she carried it around and read it. She told me she felt loved and gave me a hug.

A few years ago I had been talking to a friend who had related a really hard experience she had gone through. I had wondered to myself why I didn't feel more inspired to help her at that time. That night I was reading through my journal and I came across an entry when I had called her to see if I could babysit or something and she had declined. I realized in that moment that I had been listening to the Spirit, regardless of her willingness to accept help.

This is why it is so important to write. We write our histories for ourselves and for our children. As we look back, we see strength and goodness and change. It is part of my legacy and their heritage.  The words I wrote changed my daughter. Maybe not permanently, but for an afternoon, she was changed.

Charlie's blessing day family picture

a reflection

I sent this picture to a sister on Sunday. I still need words of affirmation sometimes. Especially when in comes to clothes.

Back in June I wrote about my goal for this decade of my life called "my 30s." I wrote about how I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin and to be more accepting of myself. I am here tonight (for it is 11 pm and the entire family is asleep and I feel the need to write a minute) to report on my progress.

*Right now there is a huge pile of shoes sitting right next to the designated "shoe boxes" by my front entryway. Someone must have been looking for shoes before we rushed out the door to the kids' school this evening. They were having a movie night tonight and the kids wanted to go so we did even though once we were there and the room filled to the brim with children I started to worry a little bit about germs so I put a blanket over Charlie's carseat and hoped he stayed asleep because we were so packed there was no way I would be able to nurse comfortably. (He did sleep, thank goodness.) There is also a pampers-box-turned-rocket-ship, and other random items strewn about the room. My kitchen sink has dishes from after-school snacks and our quick dinner, but all the pots and pans are clean and the dishes in the dishwasher are clean and I got all the laundry folded and into their respective rooms. Plus I attended a Gospel study class, took Katie to the library and kept 4 children alive and happy. The rest can wait til tomorrow.

This was the movie event. You can see Ana in the background (bright yellow shirt.) I love watching her "make the rounds" at events.  She knows and loves everybody. Even the adults.

*I finally have stuff hanging on my living room wall. It took a while for me to figure out what I wanted. Pinterest, despite its bad wrap for making Mommies feel like they are not good enough and the many Pinterest fail blogs, has helped me to "see" my style. Just by pinning stuff that I like, I can look at a board and say: Oh, so that's my style. I like things that mean something to me personally, not just stuff that looks good. I like things that we have gathered, or pictures we have taken, or my children's artwork on display. I like bright colors. I like mismatched chairs around the dining room table and lots of colorful throw pillows and asymmetry. I like random. This has extended to my personal clothing style too. I like long necklaces and bright colors and funky, colorful shoes.  Pinterest helped me to see that.

*I am an aspen tree. I am light and airy and need connectivity and a network in order to thrive. I am a social being and I have to allow myself time to make connections. Real, human connections. And while I sometimes let social media try to fill the void, it usually does the opposite. I am learning to seek out real connections when I am feeling down and unmotivated instead of artificial ones.

*I am a Mary. I always think that in the hour and a half I have while Katie is at preschool that I am going to be super productive and get a bunch of stuff checked off my list. Sometimes I am. Most of the time I read my scriptures and write in my journal for a good portion of it. I get less "done" but I feel so much better. I have had some powerful spiritual insights the last couple weeks as I have done so.

*I am a good-enough-ist (in contrast to a perfectionist.) I heard once the saying "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing just barely." That resonates with me. My housework gets done, but sometimes, just barely. It is still worth doing. Our family nights are not perfect, and sometimes a little thrown together, but it is still worth doing.   I am not saying that I am complacent.  Complacency leaves us empty. But as Mary Poppins says: Enough is as good as a feast.


This is what I have discovered about myself over the last 10 months as I have been on this road to self-discovery and acceptance. I am not saying that these are the only or best ways to be. These are MY ways of being. I am not perfect. I have goals I am working towards like reaching out more to others and running a couple races this summer and I am still working really hard at not raising my voice. (I have been working on that one for about 10 years.)

Look, I even went running. Charlie didn't seem to mind too much

Something interesting is happening too. I am getting better. Not only is accepting myself helping me feel better, it is actually helping me BE better. I am a better person. I am less judgmental towards others. I am warmer to my children. I am less stressed out. I am more charitable. It is becoming easier to stay calm, to forgive, to apologize, and to be patient.  The phrase "to love others you must first love yourself" isn't about being narcissistic. It is about knowing who we are and what we have to offer.

I am not all there. There are days that are full of self-doubt. But I am making progress. And that is enough.