I am usually very motivated this time of year to make changes and set new year's resolutions. I love the fresh start and the chance to look forward with renewed energy and enthusiasm. I like to look back and think of all the blessings I've received and notice where the hand of God has intervened in my life in the last year.
This year is different. I feel very unmotivated this time. I am tired and irritable. I have been annoyed and impatient with my kids and husband. I feel busy every day, but at night feel like I have not accomplished anything and still drained of energy. In many ways I have been exactly the opposite of what I want to be.
I'm not sure I can pinpoint why I've felt this way. There are so many things that could cause it I suppose. I'm not getting enough sleep. I don't have access to a car so I stay home. Dave is gone from 8 until 7 most days. Its cold and muddy outside, so I don't get much sunshine or fresh air. Ana has been frustrating lately and Jack has hit a hard age for me, and I find very little time to myself.
I don't mean to fill a post with so much negativity. I'm just struggling to find the motivation to change and be different. I hope to take some time today for some introspection and reflection. I think that will help. I hope to get out of this rut soon. I guess sometimes you just need to fake it until you make it. Perhaps that is what is needed now in me.
4 comments:
I hear you! I wish I lived closer (ha! I've never even met you!) and could come help you in some form or fashion. Pleading to the Lord for help has always helped me...even if it was only for a day of feeling better. I wish I could tell you something more, but when I find the secret, I'll let you know. By the way, I love your blog banner!
Just know you're not the only one who feels this way, I know when I get feeling this way, which seems a lot lately I can take some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one even when I feel like I am! Plus I think you're great, and I love you! Keep your chin up!
Been there, done that, wrote the book, starred in the movie, designed the T-shirt, made the bumper sticker, etc. etc. etc. You get the idea. My point is, having kids makes life really hard to feel like you have accomplished things.
Try this (if you want), make a list of everything you have to do in a day (not want to do, like organize spices, but HAVE). i.e. feed the baby, change the baby, make breakfast, make lunch, make dinner. And if you have to do things more than once, put them on the list more than once. i.e. feed the baby, feed the baby, feed the baby, feed the baby, feed the baby. Change the baby, change the baby, change the baby, change the baby, change the baby.
When I did this I started to realize all that I actually do get done in one day. It may not be the "obvious" things, or the "hip mormon mom" things, but the "everyday mom" things. It helped me get not so frustrated about other things. I realized all those stupid little things that took up my day and made it so I couldn't get things done, where actually the things I needed to be doing, and other things were keeping me from getting these things done.
As for being stuck home with no car, I have been like that for 3 years now. It sucks! If you can set-up playdates to help break-up the monotony of the week.
Sorry for the long discourse, just trying to help, since I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.
All I can say is things will change and get better and you'll look back and remember feeling this way and be glad you don't anymore. . . until the next time:)
It's the nature of the business we're in- at least I think so.
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