happy anniversary to us!

Photo by Heather Dahle

Dave and I have been married 7 years today!

That qualifies me as a marriage expert, I'd say.

No, not really. But since half of all marriages end in the first 7 years, it is somewhat of a landmark. Either way, over the last 7 years I've learned a thing or two about marriage. So I thought I would write them down. We'll call them my "rules."

7 Rules of Marriage:

1. Use discretion when sharing problems.

This was one of the first pieces of advice I got. In fact, I came into marriage feeling very strongly that this was something we needed to do. Perhaps it is because of my "heart on my sleeve" tendency that I felt like I needed to watch myself in this particular aspect of marriage.

The fact is, problems happen. As spouses, we don't always get along. Some things annoy us. Some things hurt us. But that does not mean everyone needs to know about it. In fact, usually NO ONE needs to know about it. Because when we have kissed and made up and I have moved on, other people do not. My relationship with Dave is between me and him and God. Of course, occasionally it helps to discuss little matters with a trusted sister or friend. It helps to know that things that bother me are usually just attributes of men in general and not Dave specifically. But I use discretion.

2. It is better to say "Yes!"

I have learned, that most of the time, it is better to say yes. When Dave makes a request, I try to find reasons to do it, and to be enthusiastic. Sometimes this is easier than at other times. But Dave is much more spontaneous than I am, and when I say yes, I rarely regret it. And it brings some great memories.

3. Be Loyal to each other.

Stand up for your spouse. Don't say something about them unless you would say it in front of them. Talk positively to others about him and think positive things about him. Along with this, I would say to respect their wishes, even when they are not around. Don't brush off their feelings. If it is important to them, it should be important to you.

4. Don't let the "d" word enter the equation.

Divorce is not an option. We made sacred covenants to love and care for each other. We are both doing our best to be faithful and loving. Everyone makes mistakes. We are committed and we both work to resolve issues because we are in it for the LONG HAUL (i.e. eternity).

5. Take time to connect.

For some people this means weekly dates. For us it means, often, sitting on the couch next to each other. Telling each other about our day. Calling throughout the day just to say hi. It makes a difference.

6. Be happy to see each other.

When I smile at Dave when he gets home, even (especially) when I don't feel like smiling, the evening goes much better. Besides, no matter how bad my day has been, I really am GLAD he is home.

7. "How can I help?" are magic words.

I like knowing that I am doing what I can to make Dave's life easier. So if that means picking up his socks and fixing dinner, then I am going to do it. Service in the home is the most important service we can do.



I am not a perfect spouse. I am still learning lots of things. Perhaps another 7 years will change some of these rules. Either way, I am so glad I am married to this man. These 7 years have been wonderful.