on reading

Most weeks Dave has a day during the week where he is home. Whether it is because he is post-call or working the evening clinic, or gets a weekday off because he is working the weekend, he is around a lot more while the kids are at school.

He doesn't quite know what to do with himself. Years of having NO time for yourself sometimes means you forget what to do with yourself when you have a chance.

I went to bed sick on Monday, and he was on call that night. He was up at 5 a.m. with a call and stayed awake. He let me sleep and got the kids up and going to school and took care of Charlie. After school I took the cub scouts on a field trip and Ana had activity days so he took the younger kids to the store for a bit. That night he said to me "I feel like I didn't get anything done today."

I knew what he meant. That is how I feel most days. All the things I do get undone by the end of the day or need to be done again the next day. Some days it feels like I don't actually do anything. Because the work of a housewife is so much easier than in the past, sometimes it feels like I'm doing nothing at all. I load a dishwasher, or a washing machine. But I don't mend clothes or make butter. I don't often have a "product" at the end of the day. And I certainly don't have any sort of expertise that people need.  It can be frustrating and lonely and depressing.

But, I have read 42 books so far in 2017. I've read non-fiction and fiction - religion, social sciences, young adult and children's lit and classics and poetry. Not all the books I read are great. (I call those my "treat" or "junk food" books. Books that are just fun and light and easy and enjoyable, but not really substantial.)

People ask me how I have time to read so much. Now, four of those books were audio books and another 12 I read out loud to Dave. (We started doing that about a year ago and have really enjoyed our reading time together.) So 26 I have actually sat down and read by myself. That averages to 2.5 per month. I don't think that is all that much truthfully. But even if it seems like it, I make time because I need to read.

I make time to read because I love it. I make time to read because it uses my brain in a meaningful way.  I read to be entertained, to escape, to explore, and to learn. I read to know I am not alone,* to know that I am connected to a larger, intricate world. In reading I understand myself better, I find compassion for others, and I learn about God.

I read because it accomplishes something. It cannot be undone. At the end of the day, when there are dishes in the sink, and laundry in the baskets and toys on the floor, (even though I washed dishes and folded laundry and picked up toys), I finished something. Or at least got closer to finishing something.  I learned. I grew. My understanding of the world expanded just a bit. That's worth it to me. That's why I read.


*this idea is based off of a quote from the movie "Shadowlands" about CS Lewis. "We read to know we are not alone." I watched that movie years ago and I think about that idea often.