merry christmas 2011

May your days be merry & bright.

getting out of the rut

Perhaps it is the time of year. I usually wax all philosophical when the year is drawing to a close. Re-evaluation and all that.

Lately I've been in a rut. It isn't the stress of the season - my shopping is all done. Perhaps it is the dreary days a bit. But I think it is something else.

I was reading through status updates on my facebook account and things started jumping out at me. "Can I go back to bed?" "My children are driving me crazy." "Sick again! Can we ever catch a break?" "Can't sleep - too much on my mind." "This is so irritating!" "I hate it when...."

(This isn't to say that I don't want to hear about trials and struggles that others are going through. I do. I want to know when my close friends and family need prayers and help and support. Hard time come to us all. I hope that my family and friends know they can open up to me. )

It isn't just on facebook. News stories (particularly comments to news stories) are filled with derision and judgements. About the campaign, about the Duggars, about some so-called celebrity, about religious people, about non-religious people. Blogs dedicated to "people I want to punch in the face." It doesn't stop. The internet is full of complainers and if you spend too much time there (like I do) it starts to seep in too.

The negativity affects me. It changes how I respond to my kids. It changes how I respond to my husband. And the time I spend in it takes me away from my wonderful children and life. It is time for a change. Life was meant to be enjoyed.

In the midst of all this negativity, I came across this video:



I was moved to tears.

I hope this Christmas finds your family happy and healthy. I hope I find time this week to look beyond myself. To be cheerful and loving. To enjoy life.

The days are long. But the years are short. I do not want to spend them whining.

walking in a winter skiff of snow

We haven't had much snow in these parts. The day before Thanksgiving we had a good snowfall, but it all melted within a few days and since then we've only had an inch now and then. Even still, I really haven't been outside much. Saturday morning we awoke to a light dusting. The air was crisp, we had nothing on the schedule, the kids were going stir crazy. So we bundled up and went walking.

Ana's idea of bundling up was 4 shirts, 2 pants, a skirt, scarf, hat, mittens & boots. Jack wore his full snow suit and coat.

As usual, Ana ran on ahead and Jack lagged behind dragging a stick.

Katie stayed sleeping & bundled in the stroller.


We spent a few minutes at the park. It was deserted and the children relished in their full reign.


It was a lovely time. The walk rejuvenated us. Seeing their smiles and hearing their giggles filled me with love for these little children of mine. Simple things make life happy.

dear santa

(my futile attempt at taking cool holiday pictures)

Every time we go into any store my kids ask to buy a million things.

Yet here it is Christmas time and let me share with you what they are asking Santa for.

Jack: an umbrella. He has had this on his list for approximately 4 months. Ana has one. He saw one in the store that had Lightening McQueen on it a while back and I told him, "maybe you can ask Santa for one for Christmas." And he is. A few weeks ago he also added a (toy) jet to his list. That's it.

Ana: I have asked several times what she wants for Christmas. Her answers have varied from "A real live pony" to "I just want to buy Jack a new car since I lost his old one." One thing she insists is that you can only ask Santa for ONE thing and then you'll be sure to get it. She tells Jack this every day. Today I asked her again what she was going to ask Santa for and she replied,

"I think I'll just tell him to bring me whatever he wants to."

I love my children.

twenty-nine

I love this man! He is smart. He is funny. He is the world's best daddy. He doesn't care that I pick my toes or dance like a weirdo. I love his eyes and his smile.

I could go on, but he's not into that sort of cheesy stuff.


Happy Birthday to the love of my life.

kids and freedom

I was talking to a friend this week who recently got married. She made the comment, "Kids scare me. I love my freedom too much." I know others that share the sentiment. It seems like most of society shares the sentiment. So I started thinking.

Why wasn't I scared to have kids? I came up with 4 ideas that may have influenced me.

1. I grew up in a big family. My mom liked being a mother. We had a good time. She taught us to make bread and cookies and how to sew. She wanted us all to grow up and be mothers. And though my parents definitely encouraged their daughters to get an education (all 8 girls went to college, 5 have bachelor's degrees, 2 of those have a masters) they also encouraged having a family.

My mom and 7 of her 9 children, May 2011

2. I grew up in a big family. And I was near the end. That means that I watched 5 older siblings flirt, date, get married and have kids. I saw that they were happy. Kids were often around. I knew that they were sticky and noisy and dependent. But I also knew that they were sweet and innocent and adorable.

3. I grew up in a big family. I didn't have a lot of freedom. I didn't have many things that were my own. We shared chores, clothes, toys, bikes and rooms. We had curfews and responsibilities and we didn't have our own car unless we got a job and purchased one.

4. I got married young. I went from having no freedom at home, to having a little more freedom at college, to being married. I think I have had my own room for all of 5 years. (And that is probably longer than some of my other siblings.) I didn't own a car until I was married. I paid for college myself and I didn't have a lot of extra money lying around to go off and have adventures. Dave and I got married and we didn't have a lot of extra money lying around to go off and have adventures. And we both wanted kids. So we had kids.

And, actually, I feel like I have lots of freedom. I can take a nap when I want to. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I can choose when to do my work and when to play. I swap kids with my neighbors to exercise or run errands.

Mostly, there is nothing like my little girl handing me a note that says, "I lev you, mam." It brings me a lot of happiness.

peace and quiet

The house is quiet.

I hear the hum of the refrigerator and the passing of cars down the street.

The floor littered with toys. The sink full of dishes.

Three sleeping children. One a babe in my arms.

My thoughts turn to the day. Was I enough?

I close my eyes and pray for them.

But mostly, I pray for me. For strength. For guidance. For love.

My eyes open. Inspiration comes.

And with it, peace.

but for the grace of God

My senior year of high school was awesome! I realize high school is over and it isn't "everything" like you think it is when you are living it. But it was still a fun time. I had a big group of friends, most of whom were much cooler than me, but my best friend (whom Katie was named after) was somewhat of the ring leader so I was included in the group. We had a grand ol' time doing mostly stupid things.

This week, one among that group died very suddenly. We weren't super close or anything. But he was really awesome - funny and super nice to everyone. He took me to the Valentine's dance my senior year. We spent that dance laughing and annoying our friends by "cutting in" on slow songs.



I have been affected by it more than I thought I would. I already have a preoccupation with death. I don't know why. (But it is enough that right after Ana was born, Dave and I got life insurance.) Sometimes I will be sitting around my house during the day and think "what if something happened to me right now?" It's a little morbid. I don't know know if the news of my friend has helped or hindered it, but it has made me think.

It has made me think about life and death. You can't really live as if it is our last day because frankly, I wouldn't wash the dishes or send Ana to school. It has made me think about how I treat those I love. You can always treat others with kindness and respect. It has made me think "But for the grace of God, there go I."

My prayers go out to my friend's wife and children and his family. God be with you 'til we meet again.

my need for patience

My children must think I am mute. They must think so, because they seem to not hear what I say. It's been one of those weeks months. My patience is wearing thin. Jack has suddenly become a crazy little boy - literally running circles around me some days. Ana just ignores my every request or just flat out says "no." I have to repeat myself over and over and over again. It drives me crazy!!!

It's under these conditions that I came to a realization today:

Ana is so much like me. I am so much like Ana. The things that drive me the most crazy about Ana are the qualities most like some of my own.

*Last Monday I wrote the following in my journal.

"Today was a "yes" day. Ana is home for Thanksgiving Break, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so I woke up this morning without any energy to say "no." And though they watched TV all morning, we made bread, did the dishes, made Dave lunch and took it to him, went to the local children's museum, did a "Thankful Tree," ate 3 meals, AND made s'mores together AND did jobs AND still got the bed before 8. Not only that, but we made it through the day with no fits or tears and Ana was very cooperative.

Perhaps my expectations for my days are too high. Today I had low expectations and it turned out great and happy. Days that I try too hard are harder on everyone. And perhaps Ana just needs to hear "yes" a little more often."

(making s'mores)

I thought about that today. I thought about how frustrated I am when I hear "no" (or no response at all) and I thought about how I would feel if I was being bossed around and told "no" all the time. Suddenly, I can see why she is uncooperative. I probably would be too.

*In Relief Society today, we watched President Uchtdorf's "Forget-Me-Not" address. It is an excellent talk, and I never get tired of hearing it. I thought about how often we hear the same things over and over at church: Read scriptures, say prayers, go to the church, go to the Temple, pay tithing, be kind, etc. It is all the same. And yet, I need the reminder. I don't always say my prayers or read my scriptures. I'm not always kind to those around me. And I am always reminded. It helps to be told things over and over.

Just as I hope God is patient with me, I hope I can be more patient with my children. After all, we aren't really that different.

rolly polly

Hi! I'm hanging out on the floor today.



Ooo... Look what is over here.



A toy! I want it, I want it...


Dang, I over shot things. Hmmm.... Now what.


This electrical cord looks fun. I'll play with it instead.


Now I'm going to cry for mom to pick me up.




PS. Katie is the youngest of my kids to roll. Both the others were 7 months! I guess this means no more leaving her on the couch.