Last night, after I had fallen asleep on the couch and then woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, I was thinking about our family pictures we took earlier in the day. What we should have worn instead and if I should have put more effort into it. Honestly, I just made sure we were all in something clean and presentable. (And I'm sure they will turn out great because our photographer is awesome, both as a person and a photographer. I am really excited for them.)
Then I started comparing. I do that way too often. (At the power of moms retreat I went to this weekend we talked about combating "joy suckers" - things that take the joy out of motherhood - and I have to say comparing myself to others is one of those joy suckers.) I look at other people's families and think that I will never been cool enough, stylish enough, smart enough, talented enough, clean enough, nice enough.
I wish when we got Christmas cards in the mail, we could somehow see reality. What really goes on behind the picture-perfect family. It is like the velveteen rabbit asks, "what is REAL?" If I could send "real" in the mail, this is what is would look like:
Real is constant sticky floors and piles of laundry.
Real is telling Jack for the millionth time not to jump off the back of the couch.
Real is cleaning up bodily fluids at any given time or place.
Real is finding "ANA" written on everything - including walls - and then having a certain 5 year old blame it on her brother.
Real is holding Katie during "fussy hour" which happens to be between the hours of 5 and 6 - when I'm making dinner.
Real is me getting snappy at anyone in my wake when I am stressed and/or tired.
Real is snuggling my baby, kissing Jack's boo-boos, and hearing Ana's teacher say she is such a caring, compassionate little girl.
Real is the moment the other day when I had dinner on the stove, Katie on my hip, Jack at my legs begging for something to eat, and Ana calling from the other room "How do you spell 'I Miss You'?" It was a crazy moment, and yet it was a happy moment. I wish I could send that in the mail.
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. ...Life is like an old-time rail journey — delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." (source)
6 comments:
Erin, I love your blog! What a breath of fresh real air! I'm thinking of sending our holiday card out with a very candid picture....I think there needs to be more of those.
So great meeting you this weekend. I can tell you are such a dedicated mother, you inspired me. Let's get our two oldest daughters together sometime, I think they'd hit it off big.
I love your real. It's close to my real, but you forgot the constantly cluttered house and crumb-y floors, haha. :)
I thought you guys looked fantastic! and you only had a couple hours notice.
This is a great post. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by a photographer. "All photographs are accurate. None of them is the truth." Richard Avedon
I used to stress a lot about what to wear in our family photos (and I still do a little). But I'm finding that my favorite photographs of our family show Sophie's favorite shirt rather than the one that matches everyone else, or that show Ella's style rather than how I dressed her. Family photos should be about the people and the relationship, not about the clothes (that's for fashion photographers). But of course you want everyone to look their best for family portraits, so their will always be a certain amount of stress about that.
This is a really long comment...sorry. :)
Thanks for the kind words.
We all look so tired and cross in our family pictures, I have never gotten around to hanging them up. You have beautiful, intelligent children, a caring husband, food to eat, a roof over your heads, what more could a person want, really? Embrace the real.
i've never once sent out a christmas card, and we've been married 5 years. that's my real. :)
I love the way you express yourself. It is REAL. I envy that talent of expressiveness. To me, it seems like you embrace who you are...you're not trying to be that perfect mother who doesn't exist. You're being the good mom who allows the floors to get sticky in order to show love to the kids. I hope to be more like that.
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