enough for one

For me, the hardest thing about being a mom is not the late night feedings (or puking) sessions. It's not the noise or the clutter or the lack of independence. It isn't the physical pain or sickness or fatigue of pregnancy and childbirth.

The hardest thing for me is the issue of not being enough. I feel surrounded by reminders of my failures. Jeans that are too tight remind me that I am not skinny enough. My messy house reminds me I'm not neat enough. I lose my temper and I'm reminded that I'm not calm enough. Seeing my neighbor who seems to always be serving others reminds me that I'm not selfless enough. Trying to teach my children to be kind and hard-working reminds me that I don't know what I'm doing. Pinterest reminds me that I'm not stylish/creative enough.

I know that I am way harder on myself than anyone else. My children are forgiving. My house eventually gets cleaned up. I will eventually lose the baby weight. But there are times when the negative voice in my head drowns out all reason.

And then there is Katie. When she is hungry, I feed her. When she is tired, I rock her. I smile and coo at her and she smiles back. No matter what chaos is swirling around me, her smile melts it all away. I am happiest when looking in her face.



The other day I was driving down the road thinking about how I want another baby. Then I told myself that was crazy and why was I thinking about that already. Today I realized why I was thinking such nonsense.

To a sweet little baby, I am enough.