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| This is how I feel most days. I can't look at this pic without laughing. unknown source |
Tonight Ana said to me, in a very calm voice, "Mom, I know you are just trying to teach me things, but the way you are doing it just isn't working for me. You need to change." I had no response. What can I even say to that? Maybe I would have laughed had it not been for the fact that I had been telling her to brush her teeth for 10 minutes and she was just standing around with her toothbrush.
I am discouraged. I am NOT where I want to be. I often feel like a fraud. I try to make it look like I have it all together but in reality I feel very much out of control. I get stuck in my head on a whirlwind of frustration. "The laundry is piling up. The kids are not listening to me. The house is a mess. I am snappy and defensive. The kids are not listening to me. I waste too much time. I should do things differently. These kids are not listening to me." Once I am on it is hard to get out. It leaves a mark in it's wake.
I am sure many of us have felt the same. Often as women we put our best foot forward. That isn't necessarily a bad thing in general. We want to be positive. We know other people have it worse off than we do. Of course, then we think we are the only ones struggling behind the scenes.
I want to know I am not alone. I also want to know what has helped others overcome it. There is a great network of women that can offer support and encouragement and love if we are willing to open up with one another.
Tomorrow I begin a little mini-happiness challenge I am doing. My goal is to check in at the end of each day.
Until then, drop me a line, even if it is anonymous, and tell me that I am not alone.
5 comments:
You are most definitely not alone! I got engaged this January and I thought: "Well, if I'm going to marry, I have to finally get my act together and be accomplished. No more failing my own expectations!"
So in the end the wedding came around and I've failed so very often (I'm failing right now beauce I'm online even though I shouldn't.). But I was telling myself: "My husband knew what he signed up for when he asked me to marry him.I don't need to be perfect."
So my advice would be to let it go. You don't have to be perfect, you're doing fine!
I was in this same rut a month ago almost exactly. I was a mess. I cried and cried, and then cried some more. I was ready to throw in the towel. I was accomplishing nothing and didn't even want to be me. I started by playing a game with my kids each day. It was usually while we ate lunch at the table and then I took some me time. It's 45 minutes of me exercising. The kids have to get whatever they need and pretty much care for themselves for that 45 minutes. And then I lowered my expectations of myself and made a list of want to dos, need to dos, and would be fun to dos. And I decided that since school would be starting soon we would tackle those lists accordingly. I also rearranged my day. I'm usually super productive in the AM but noticed my kids needed me more in the AM and so instead of "catching up" during that time, I started doing kids in the AM and catching up in the middle of the afternoon. And ine last thing, i decided i needed to do more for other people and dived into my visiting teaching sisters (which i found to be theraputic and fulfilling.) All these things combined seemed to help my kids out of their funk and me out of mine. I hope you find the key to your success as I'm sure you will! Good luck.
Erin, how I wish so badly you could see yourself the way I see you. I have grown to love every bit about you! Even if it isn't all perfect. I know I have said this to you already, but you ARE real. You are not a fraud at all. Of course we don't go around moping all the time about how badly we feel, that doesn't make you a fraud in any way! I wish I had some words of wisdom on how to overcome this, but I still haven't figured it out for myself. I guess it just gets easier for a bit then rough patches happen again.
Love you!!
You are not alone. I had a week like yours 2 weeks ago, and started docusing on reading my scriptures before I get out of bed-even if it's one verse. J am also trying to see myself through Brian's eyes. He thinks I'm perfect and gorgeous when I haven't showered or shaved, and when the sink is full and the laundry is everywhere.
Dear little eloquent Ana :-) Your mommy deserves your respect and your obedience even if she is not telling you the way you wish she was. Be confident Erin, you are an awesome mom! Kids will be kids and they are not always (or even often) going to like the way Mom and Dad do things. Keep praying for inspiration and doing the best you know how to do. Stand tall and remain calm and know that one day they will certainly appreciate you and the things that you did for them and tried to teach them. And even if it takes to the eternities for everything to work out, be assured it will all work out. And it will all be worth it.
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