how did she get so big?

(Ana's first day of first grade.)

days run together

early mornings. breakfast. dishes.

a trip to the park.

white dandelion wishes.



deep breaths. repetition.

always serving another.

children play and whine.

"be kind to your brother."


or "No screaming."

said a thousand times.

playing dolls and cars.

singing nursery rhymes.


waiting til 5:00.

daaddy's home! then dinner.

Race up the stairs!

See who is the winner.


Bedtime stories and snuggles.

and one last song.

the days run together.

the days are long.


cooler days.

the leaves, then snow fall.

tulips bloom. summer sun.

suddenly, leaves change and fall.


another year gone again.

load the bus. shed a few tears.

long may be the days.

but short are the years.

things i will never understand

I will never understand how Ana's room can go from clean to complete disaster in less than a day.

I will never understand how the kids manage to get sticky blue toothpaste all over the bathroom and themselves during teeth-brushing time.

I will never understand how 45 minute quiet time is absolute torture, and yet at bedtime, when the children are supposed to go to sleep, they stay awake playing for hours.

I will never understand how my baby can grow to a toddler overnight.



I will never understand why they think saying "the s-word" is an acceptable alternative to saying "stupid."

I will never understand how summer went so quickly and it is time to start school again.

(unrelated picture of Jack playing chef.)

...the days are long, but the years are short. ...

where have i been?

Maine, mostly. We went over the weekend. I have also been trying to get stuff ready for school to start. We are so ready. I have a 6 year old who has a bit of an attitude lately that I can't seem to curb. So, the usual stuff.

I also managed to repaint a desk. In analyzing my house-work techniques I have noticed a common theme: piles. There are piles of junk mail and piles of real mail and piles of pictures the kids color and piles of stuff to take upstairs and piles and piles and piles. Junk attracts junk, they say.

But I didn't really have anywhere to PUT any of these things. So I just piled them up. Finally I think to myself that I needed a central place. ONE place to put all these piles. One place that is easy to clean and keep organized, instead of stacking it up on my piano and mantle and dining room table.

Then we spotted a free little desk by the side of the road. It needed some easy fix-ups and a coat of paint, but it was in pretty good shape so we brought it home.



Tada!


Of course, it only looks like this every few days when I clean off all the piles. Dave saw the piles and asked if the desk was serving its purpose covered in junk. "Yes!" I said. He looked a little skeptical, but it is keeping the piles off my piano and table and stereo and stairs, and being in a small space means it is easier to clean off, and I do it more often. Plus the drawers are super organized and I can always find a pen and a piece of paper and the tape and my calendar markers and other office supplies. So, I love the little desk. And it cost me a grand total of $0.

More on Maine tomorrow or the next day. We'll see.

don't blink

I am freaking out you guys.

Want to know why?

Because I blinked.

And somehow this:

(June 2011)

(August 2011)

Became this:

(July 2012)

(August 2012)

How did this happen? And when?

Ana is (almost) a first grader! Katie is practically a toddler!

Time is going by way too fast. How can this be when the days seem so long? This winter I had a habit of telling Jack, "I want you to stay 3 forever." He responded by laughing and insisting he had to turn 4. He was right. I still wish that. I loved him at 3.

But I love him at 4 and Ana at 6 and Katie at 1.

As I was looking through old pictures today I thought to myself, "I wish I could go back 6 months and see them again." But then I realized that I would then have to re-live the last 6 months and I don't really want to do that. They have been hard on me emotionally. We are back to a happy place now.

I just need to stop blinking!

because i know the grandmas miss these kids

I uploaded a bunch of videos yesterday. We'll ignore the fact that I got totally sad because I realized that my kids won't stay little forever and that they are growing up right before my eyes. My kids rock people, and I love these kids more than anything and I am so glad I am their mother.


For your viewing pleasure...

on a sunday afternoon:




Jack's primary talk:




Katie going down the slide:

one year

Our little Katie-Koo is 1!!

And she is adorable.

Everyone in our family adores her. Ana and Jack still do not leave her alone and she has her Daddy wrapped around that little finger of hers.

I love her too.

She is very excited about being one! Or maybe just about sliding, which she loves.


We celebrated in the usual fashion.

Presents:







And of course, CAKE!


Tidbits:

*Her first consistent word is "tickle" which she always says while tickling herself on the tummy.
*She also says Dada, hi, hug, uh-oh, Mama, and thank you
*She isn't a great eater. She only tolerates me spoon feeding her for about 5 minutes, but doesn't really want to eat anything else either. She will eat all types of fruit, carrots and sweet potatoes and yogurt and cheese. That's about it. Oh, and scrambled eggs, which are probably her favorite.
*She isn't a great sleeper. She nurses to sleep most of the time. Most days she falls asleep in the car and naps in her car seat. She wakes up around 6:30, takes only 1 nap, (which usually lasts 1.5 to 2 hours) and goes to sleep after 8.
*She is a wonderful smiler and giggler. Her whole face lights up.
*She loves to clap and wave and high five and grab my glasses off my face.
*She holds her hand out when she wants something you have. Your food, your drink, your toy, etc.
*While outside (which we do a lot) she spends her time sliding and eating dirt.

And one more thing:

She's walking! She took a couple steps after church one day and by Wednesday she was walking all over. This video is from last Wednesday at the kids' swim lessons, and she is a lot more steady than this already.



Happy Birthday, Baby girl. We love ya!

perfect summer

I wish I could capture this summer and put it in a mason jar like a firefly. Then in March when the world is gloomy I could pull it out and breathe in the sunshine and carefree-ness and I know I would feel lighter.

If there was one thing that could make this summer more perfect, it would be if my kids could remember it. Ana might retain a few fleeting memories, and Jack might have a vague recollection, but mostly it will remained unremembered.

And before I forget, I need to write it down.

Our July 2012 adventures:

1. Ana's lemonade stand. She decided after visiting the American Girl store in NYC that she wanted to earn money to buy one. She didn't know we were already planning on getting her one for her birthday, but we encouraged the idea. Dave helped a bit, but mostly she did the work. And she was so proud of herself and it was awesome.


2. Blueberry picking! This was Dave's first berry picking experience. Katie loved eating them, though it was tricky to keep her from eating them out of the dirt. The blueberries were plump and the setting was perfectly picturesque.




3. We've spent a lot of time outside. Katie is my dirt baby, and is often found putting sticks, rocks and dirt in her mouth. But she loves to slide. (More on her coming Friday, when she turns 1.) We've also frequent the beach, the pool and the sprinklers outside.




4. Of course we had to go to the farm. We love it there!


5. On a different note, we've had some crazy storms. One of which flooded our basement (about an inch of water) and tore up a bunch of trees in our neighborhood. We went on a walk just to check out the damage. Crazy!


6. Not pictured: watching the Olympics. Really it makes any summer better. I love the Olympics.

I will miss this place.

...before i sleep

Jack, Ana, and Ethan (Ana's fiancee)

Wow, time is flying by. I suppose I haven't been writing as much the last little while. Life is busy with 3 little kids at home, plus 1 extra a few days a week. I feel like we have been living in our swimsuits this month. The kids have had swim lessons and we've spent lots of time at the beach, the pool and playing in the sprinklers in the yard. I love it! But I keep forgetting to pull out the camera.

My thoughts are heavy the last few months, and I mostly keep it to myself. My eyes have been opened to the hurt and hardships of so many that I love, and I am reminded of a quote from The Lord of the Rings (the book): "The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands Love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."

In an effort to lighten my thoughts, I've been reading more poetry. Currently I have "Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening" hanging above my sink to memorize while I wash dishes. I find it rather metaphorical for life right now. Whenever I have a busy day and my seemingly endless to-do list comes swirling through my mind, the last line pops into my head "... and miles to go before I sleep." I try to stop each day for a minute, "to watch [the] woods fill up with snow." Whether that be in quiet, solitary time for myself, or pausing to find joy and beauty and peace in my life and children.


Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

six

I can't believe this little girl is six!

We celebrated her birthday pretty simply. She did a summer camp last week so we had that in the morning. Then Mac n Cheese for lunch. Then we went swimming with some of her friends. Then ended the day with strawberry shortcake. She was thrilled to get the American Girl doll, Kit. She seemed like a pretty happy birthday girl.




Time has flown so fast and I she has grown up so much in the last year. She is still as determined and passionate as ever, but her personality is really in full swing and it is great to see. She loves all things girly: pink (though yellow and white are also favorite colors), rainbows, unicorns, ballerinas, the works! She is definitely her own self and not afraid to be exactly who she is. She liked soccer, but she loves swimming even more and would spend all day at the pool if we could. She also loves to dance (still).

She is naturally a healthy eater. She doesn't like too much meat or sweets, and loves fruits and veggies and granola and yogurt and cheese. She picked strawberry shortcake for her birthday cake, for heaven's sake.

When she was 3, she loved to wear the same color on top and bottom. She would wake up and say, "I want to wear green, green" or "white, white." I kinda thought she would grow out of this, but even still, her favorite dress in a plain white one that Dave found at Costco a few weeks back. She wears it almost every week to church. And she loves Katie to match her.

One thing I love about her is that she is full of big ideas. She wants to plan parties and activities and design things. Quite a contrast to my "keep it simple" mentality. But her creativity means she can solve problems and work things out with her brother. And if something is her idea, she sticks to it and nothing can deter her.


I love my little big girl and can't wait to see how much more she grows up the next year.

lowering expectations

This is Zach. And Katie. And the ever present pile of laundry on my love seat.

Zach is 5 months younger than Katie. I started watching him a few months ago when his mom went back to work.

Let me back up.

For the last several years, I have been saying that I would like to find someone to babysit to make a little extra cash. Dave has always been a little unsure. He didn't want just anyone coming in and messing with our family dynamics. But I still have mentioned it and we've discussed the possibility off and on.

Several months back, Zach's dad, who is Dave's classmate, mentioned that he and his pregnant-with-their-first wife were looking into day cares for when she went back to work. It was tricking though, because she works irregular hours and with rotations starting, they would need someone that could potentially watch him very early in the morning.

Dave said, "Hey, Erin could do it."

And short story long, here we are. I watch him 3 days a week until about 1:30.

The first few days were a little interesting. I realized that with two babies in the house, I wasn't getting much done and it was a little frustrating.

So I lowered my expectations. Instead of getting frustrated with not being able to do anything. I just planned on it. I changed my mentality: "This is my job, and it's okay if I don't wash dishes while I am working."

Now that we are in the routine of things, it is working out quite well. I am often pleasantly surprised at how much I do get done, as opposed to being frustrated, and I have become really good friends with Zach's family. The kids do great with him around, even Katie.

It seems paradoxical that lowering expectations brings so much peace of mind. But I think as mothers we set the standard unrealistically high for ourselves. We expect our houses to be clean, our children to be perfectly behaved and dressed, our house to be full of Pinterest projects and gourmet meals. Plus we need to have a creative side job and our kids need to know how to read by 3. That is exhausting just thinking about it!

So, I will tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to feed my children every day. I will read and sing to them each night. And we'll spend some time outside everyday, because I need that for my sanity. After that, I'll probably wash dishes and laundry, though I make no guarantees about getting it put away in a timely manner.

If I can do those things, I think I'll be meeting expectations. Anything else is a bonus.