full hands and heart

October 2011

Last week I had several people, upon seeing me out and about with my 3 children in tow, make the comment, "You have your hands full."

I came across a quote a while back that describes how I feel in moments like that. "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart."

It's a little cheesy and wordy to say to a perfect stranger, so I never know quite how to respond. I usually just smile and say, "yes" and every once in a while I say, "full of good things." Because that is how I feel. My hands are full. It seems they are filling faster than I can keep up. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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Last week I was helping out in Ana's classroom, like I do most Monday afternoons. I always have Jack and Katie in tow, and I tote Katie on my hip and Jack finds blocks or cars to play with. Last Monday one of Ana's classmates said to me, "Where does the baby go when you are at work?"

I smiled and said, "I get to stay home with them."

It is too bad that working moms are the norm these days.

I always find it interesting when people say, "I don't have the luxury of staying home."

Before starting medical school, we lived in a rented two-bedroom house. The wall-paper was peeling off the walls. The bathroom floor linoleum was cracked so bad I didn't even want to stand on it. The pantry was dark and the kitchen was carpeted. In the winter, I couldn't run the vacuum and the bedroom heaters ((at the same time)) without tripping the breaker. The washing machine had to drain through the kitchen sink because the pipes froze up. Our health insurance cost more than our rent and scrimped and saved to go on a 5 day getaway for less than $500. I stayed home.

I wouldn't call that luxury.

My sisters and my friends have had similar stories. Stories of going without a lot of things because being home with the kids is more important.

I made a choice to stay home. I know that is not always possible, and I am so grateful for having a choice. I still wouldn't call it a luxury. It is a choice.

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Yesterday Dave was at the hospital all day. He left at 6:45 am and returned at 8 pm. How fitting that for Mother's Day, I spent my day being a mother.

And since motherhood is happy, it was a Happy Mother's Day after all.

Ana is home sick today. I have loads of laundry and dishes and housework to get caught up on. And lots of hugs and snuggles to give.

a mid-week break

Dave had the day off.

I was glad for it too, since it was going to be a busy day. Jack had a dentist appointment, and Ana had her birthday celebration at school, since her birthday is in the summer. So, Dave took Jack to the dentist, then we made cupcakes and ran to costco and then to Ana's school.

After school, we decided to take the kids out the the Lake Champlain causeway, which is a bike/walking path that spans the lake out to one of the islands. We started at a nearby park and Dave and Ana rode their bikes while I pushed the other two in the stroller.

It was a fun, relaxing way to spend the afternoon.










It started to rain on us after we got back to the park. We made it just in time. This place we live is so beautiful!

happy anniversary to us!

Photo by Heather Dahle

Dave and I have been married 7 years today!

That qualifies me as a marriage expert, I'd say.

No, not really. But since half of all marriages end in the first 7 years, it is somewhat of a landmark. Either way, over the last 7 years I've learned a thing or two about marriage. So I thought I would write them down. We'll call them my "rules."

7 Rules of Marriage:

1. Use discretion when sharing problems.

This was one of the first pieces of advice I got. In fact, I came into marriage feeling very strongly that this was something we needed to do. Perhaps it is because of my "heart on my sleeve" tendency that I felt like I needed to watch myself in this particular aspect of marriage.

The fact is, problems happen. As spouses, we don't always get along. Some things annoy us. Some things hurt us. But that does not mean everyone needs to know about it. In fact, usually NO ONE needs to know about it. Because when we have kissed and made up and I have moved on, other people do not. My relationship with Dave is between me and him and God. Of course, occasionally it helps to discuss little matters with a trusted sister or friend. It helps to know that things that bother me are usually just attributes of men in general and not Dave specifically. But I use discretion.

2. It is better to say "Yes!"

I have learned, that most of the time, it is better to say yes. When Dave makes a request, I try to find reasons to do it, and to be enthusiastic. Sometimes this is easier than at other times. But Dave is much more spontaneous than I am, and when I say yes, I rarely regret it. And it brings some great memories.

3. Be Loyal to each other.

Stand up for your spouse. Don't say something about them unless you would say it in front of them. Talk positively to others about him and think positive things about him. Along with this, I would say to respect their wishes, even when they are not around. Don't brush off their feelings. If it is important to them, it should be important to you.

4. Don't let the "d" word enter the equation.

Divorce is not an option. We made sacred covenants to love and care for each other. We are both doing our best to be faithful and loving. Everyone makes mistakes. We are committed and we both work to resolve issues because we are in it for the LONG HAUL (i.e. eternity).

5. Take time to connect.

For some people this means weekly dates. For us it means, often, sitting on the couch next to each other. Telling each other about our day. Calling throughout the day just to say hi. It makes a difference.

6. Be happy to see each other.

When I smile at Dave when he gets home, even (especially) when I don't feel like smiling, the evening goes much better. Besides, no matter how bad my day has been, I really am GLAD he is home.

7. "How can I help?" are magic words.

I like knowing that I am doing what I can to make Dave's life easier. So if that means picking up his socks and fixing dinner, then I am going to do it. Service in the home is the most important service we can do.



I am not a perfect spouse. I am still learning lots of things. Perhaps another 7 years will change some of these rules. Either way, I am so glad I am married to this man. These 7 years have been wonderful.

nine months

Katie is such a light in our life and in our home. We are all completely enamored with her. Ana loves to pack her around and play with her. Jack is so sweet to her and smiles and talks to her often. As I have said before, it's like she's always been here.






At 9 months, Katie:

*weighs 19.6 lbs (65th %)

*is 29 inches (92nd %) long.

*babbles "dadadadadada" and "mamamamama" and occasionally "ananananana."

*smiles and giggles a lot.

*holds on to mommy for dear life and does not like to be put down.

*crawls everywhere. Nothing on the floor is safe from her clutches.

*has starting venturing up the stairs, but only when Mommy has left her downstairs.

*is always so happy to see Jack in the morning, Daddy in the evening, and Ana in the afternoon.

*loves yogurt, cheese, eggs, strawberries, peaches, sweet potatoes, peas and GRAHAM CRACKERS!

*usually wakes up once or twice at night, but the last few nights has slept all night and Mommy feels wonderful!

*naps irregularly and unreliably and wants to nurse to sleep every time. This might be getting better though.

*is such a bright, happy, wonderful baby.

my oldest child

Having Ana home this week was so great! She adds so much life and energy (for better and worse) to the household. I feel like I don't say much about her around these parts since she is school so much, but this week I really noticed some things I absolutely adore about this little girl of mine.

I love that is really into writing. She writes on everything (for better and worse) and she is always asking how to spell things. She also loves to draw and color and paint and anything else that is artsy.



She is the life of the party! We had a slumber party on Friday night. We ate pizza, rolled out our sleeping bags on the living room floor and watched a movie together and then slept on the floor. Ana thought we needed one more touch: CONFETTI. She cut up paper and mixed it with some glitter and when we were all in our sleeping bags, she threw it up in the air.

Her smile is absolutely bright. Everything about her is 100%. When she is happy, she is filled with so much light and wonderful-ness. Her smile is contagious and beautiful.


She is full of surprises. Just when I think I am failing her and I'm not teaching her the right things, she comes in the room with the Book of Mormon in hand and says, "Will you read me a scripture story?"

How blessed I am to be the mother of such a strong, spirited little girl.

spring break

It's spring break for Ana this week.

I was hoping I'd get all my spring cleaning done. I was also hoping to go someplace different and fun. It looks like we're falling somewhere in between.

It has been rainy rainy rainy so we've mostly just stayed home and relaxed. Though I did get Ana's room shoveled out, which was on the top of my spring cleaning to-do list.

Jumping in puddles:

Jack fell face first into a puddle. That cued going inside.

Ana likes to push Katie around in the doll stroller. Katie doesn't seem to mind.

And wants her to play dress-up.

This is how I see Katie for most of the day: pulling on my legs.

breakthrough

For some reason when we moved here almost 2 years ago, Jack refused to swing. I'm not sure how this began. I have a picture of him swinging in Grandma's swing right before we moved, but since living here he has refused.  We've tried to get him to swing here and there, but it usually resulted in screams and running away.

 Slowly, over the last several months, he has been warmed up to the idea. Last fall he started swing - very slowly - on his tummy. This was all his idea, by the way. Everything has to be his idea if he is to cooperate. Since then I've asked several times if he wanted to swing on my lap or in the baby swing or if he just wanted to sit on the swing. The answer was always an emphatic "NO!" But the other day we were outside at the playground. Ana was swinging. Pumping high and loving it. Katie was swinging. And there was Jack, trying to SIT on the swing. I asked him very calmly if he wanted me to help him up. And he said, "yes." And then I asked if he wanted a little push. And he said "Yes."

 He was swinging! Ana and I praised him and clapped for him. Told him what a big boy he is. We took his picture. He said he wants it framed in his bedroom. Such a little thing, but it was wonderful to see him. He said to Daddy later, "I was really brave."

sometimes...

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the things that I need to CHANGE about myself.

Then I hear someone say, "life is long" and I realized that I have a long time to change. When I have been married 30 years or so, the few times in our early marriage when I lost my temper and started throwing laundry around my bedroom will make us laugh because that will not be who I am anymore. I am working on it, and I will know how to stay calm someday.



Sometimes I worry that I've already ruined my children forever.

Then I remember that most of what I have done with and said to my children will not be remembered, much like I don't remember anything from when I was 3 and 5. The phases that they are going through (that drive me crazy!) will pass. And as long as I give them mostly positive interactions, they won't remember the negative. And once again, life is long and I am working on it.



Sometimes I think that I have no right to be happy when people I love are experiences such hardships.

Then I get down on my knees and pray for them and Thank God for my blessings. He wants us to be happy. And the amazing thing is, those I love are doing the same thing. And sometimes life is hard, but it makes us appreciate how good it is, too. "Come what may, and love it."

normal days

Jack is my home-body.

In the mornings he gets up, gets himself dressed, and comes downstairs to smile and coo at Katie.

Then he wants to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and spend the morning playing cars and playing "temple run" on my iPod (he's quite good actually), and making "valentines", which look like this:



And though he likes to play with his friends, when it is time to go, he is happy to go and usually is ready to leave before I am.

We stay home a lot. And though we are quite happy with this every day routine, it doesn't provide for many interesting blog posts.

Katie is in separation anxiety mode. I walk up the stairs or leave the room and she is in tears. Even if Daddy is around. And if I am around, she wants to be held. So I carry her around or stick her in the high chair with a graham cracker (where she can see me, of course!) and try to get something done.

Ana continues to love school, but doesn't like to be woken up in the morning. She is reading and it is a lot of fun to listen to her. I have her read to me every day and I am so proud at how good she has gotten. She also loves to write and do any sort of art project. She started soccer and loves it!

Dave is spending at least 60 hours in the hospital each week on his surgery rotation. He is learning a lot, is exhausted each night, and doesn't think he wants to be a surgeon.

I continue to be too far behind in my housework. But I am the proud owner of THIS stroller. (I found a super good deal on craigslist.) I am very excited to have it.

These normal days are good. So, so good. The weather is warming up. My tulips are getting ready to bloom. The sunshine has indeed been good for my soul. And though I still am a little frazzled by the end of the day, I know that there will be a day when I will look back and say, "those were the good days."

The days are long, but the years are short.



(click to enlarge - the last 3 Easters.)

bath time!

Katie loves bathtime!




She doesn't like to sleep through the night or leave Mommy's hip.

But she is quick to smile and brings us so much happiness.