on being "good" at stuff

Let me tell you a story.

I began my college career as a music major. I auditioned for the woman's choir and started several music courses. Only I didn't make the choir and my first day of my Diction course scared the crap out of me. So I decided I wasn't good enough for music and dropped that class and picked up a political science class. I loved that class. (I actually loved my music theory class too, which I didn't drop.) But BYU-Idaho didn't have a PoliSci major at the time, so I changed my major to Social Sciences Education. And I loved my history classes that I took for that major. But I didn't really want to get an education degree. I had also taken a journalism class, which I loved, so I changed my major to Communications. I actually stayed at that major for a full 2 years. During that time I took a general human biology class and LOVED it.

Then I got married. Then I got pregnant.  Communications got boring and I had no interest in marketing or advertizing or broadcasting and got really really bored with my teachers telling me to network. So I started taking Health Sciences classes. Dave and I took Anatomy and Physiology together and I loved that class. Then Ana was born. And I really wanted to graduate but I was kind of all over the place.

The day before Ana turned 1, I graduated from BYU-Idaho with a Bachelor of Arts in University Studies, with an emphasis in Health Science and Communication. I was so happy! I cherish that piece of paper.

Graduation day 2007

Fast forward to now. I miss school. I want to go back so badly. I love sitting in class and writing notes and writing papers and taking tests. I know, I am a nerd. The cool thing is, our top two residency choices offer tuition reduction for residents' spouses.  Which means you can bet that I will be taking classes.

As you can tell from my prior college experience, I am interested in a lot of things. I didn't study much hard science or math in college, but I would really, really like to. I do math in my head all the time. I am always looking for patterns and analyzing statistics. One of my favorite classes in college was Epidemiology, which is very statistics based. I am always asking Dave science questions about things like water displacement or other nerdy subjects. So, randomly I go on websites and look up Master's Degree requirements. Today I was looking up getting a second bachelor's in Math. Reading the list of required classes made me nervous. What if Calculus is hard? Can I even do it? Am I smart enough to take classes like that?

And then I had an epiphany.

Why do we think we have to be "good" at something in order to enjoy it?

I am not "good" at running. When I was in the peak of my physical fitness, I ran a half marathon and barely managed 10 minute miles. That is twice as slow as those who run the Boston Marathon.  And they run twice as long. But I really enjoy doing it. It feels good. It makes me happy.

That first day of college I got scared because I was afraid I wasn't good at singing and I quit. It probably would have been hard. I would not have been the best singer in the group. But I enjoy singing and that might have been enough.

So many times I get down on myself about my mothering skills. Just this morning I was trying to get Ana to do something and was failing miserably. She refused. Dave walked in and within 2 minutes she was on the right track. Stuff like that happens a lot. I often get down on myself that I am not "good" at mothering. (This morning I decided to just be grateful for Dave instead.) But just because someone else is a more natural parent than I am doesn't mean I need to feel frustrated all the time. I can still enjoy myself.

I still don't know what I will study when I go back to school.  But I am not going to let my perceptions of what I am "good" at (a.k.a. what comes easily/naturally) determine what I aim for. I can enjoy things even if I have to work really really hard for them.

this morning

My goodness time is slipping by.

This morning after I got the kids off to school I wanted to do something. As part of my new morning routine I have told myself not to get on the computer until my morning chores are done. You know, cleaning up breakfast, starting the laundry, etc. But this morning I didn't just want to hum around the house, I wanted to dig in. So I decided to tackle my sewing stuff. I went through all my fabric and notions and patterns and projects. I decided which things to actually mend, and which repurposing/mending projects to give up. I consolidated all my fabric into 2 boxes instead of 4. I was even able to free up a set of drawers for Katie's clothes, which had been on her bedroom floor in baskets and were impossible to keep neat. 

It felt good to get something very productive done. It felt like I just gave my stressed-because-I-am-about-to-move- self a little present by getting one project done. 

But I did stop in the middle and do puzzles with Katie and eat lunch with her. That felt good too.

That's all I have to say about that.

new year's resolutions

As I peruse my list of resolutions for this year, one thing pops out in my mind.

I must be craving a routine.

Seriously, for the last several months, I am mostly flying by the seat of my pants. Some mornings I get busy and do stuff, some I just sit around. Most days I feel frazzled and frustrated. Often I see my kids as interruptions of all the stuff I have to do instead of the reason I do it all.

So, that's going to change this year. I am ready to get cracking and making my days more purposeful and routined. Maybe then Katie won't fight quite so much when it is time to get dressed or go pick up the kids. Maybe then it will be easier to not let the computer suck the life out of my day. Maybe then I will actually get healthy if I have a set aside time to exercise. Maybe then I won't let the day go without reading my scriptures if it is part of my routine.

Specifically, my goals are:

1. Exercise regularly and eat more fruits and veggies. (I want to write more about this later.)

2. Read the Old Testament. (This is the one book of scripture that I don't think I have read cover to cover. So I am going to.)

3. No computer time until my morning routine is done. (I mean seriously, if I expect my kids to get their morning stuff done before TV, shouldn't I hold myself to the same standard?)

4. Speak more kindly. (This one isn't quite so routine-y, but I think it will come more naturally as I do the above things. It seems like it is already.)

I will also say a word about New Year's Resolutions. I have decided the reason why people (me included) are less than successful every year is because they try to focus on everything all at once. I think we would all have more success if we took smaller steps and focused on one thing at a time.  If I work out one day but the rest of my morning wasn't as routined, (I made up that word) that is still a success. If I was really kind to my children but seemed to miss my exercise, that was a success. If I get them all in, great. But if not, it is okay too. Also, we focus on the negative things. We want to LOSE weight. We want to yell less. We want to waste less time. And then when we mess up we beat ourselves up about it. Maybe I am the only one who does that. This year, I am focusing on positive things and praising myself for my successes instead of getting down on myself for the slip ups. That is my success plan for the year.

I know not everyone is into Resolutions. I am. I like the clean slate and a fresh start. I like that there is an easy way to categorize life and change. I like that I can look back on a year and say, "That was the year I _____."  The year is an objective measure of time.  And so many things about life are not objective.

starting off with a bang

I have been trying to get to posting this for 2 days. I finally have a minute in between cleaning up Christmas and getting the kids back into routine.

We have had a memorable first week of 2014. Its been kind of a little crazy, truthfully. Here is a recap:

Wednesday: Took the kids the see Frozen. Such a cute movie! It was Katie's first movie in the movie theater. I wasn't sure how she would do but she sat on my lap watching intently the entire time. We have been singing "Let it go" all week. The kids were super grumpy this day, given the fact that they were up til midnight the night before. Are we the only ones that let our kids stay up? The movie was a welcome ray of sunshine in the day.

Thursday: Jack and Ana and went back to school. Half way through the day I picked up Dave to take him to a dentist appointment when we heard the heartbreaking news from the Larsen family that one of our nephews died. He was 21. He was a fun, kind, unique guy and he will be missed. We wish we could have been there this week with the family.

Saturday: We went to Dick's Sporting Goods to make a return and afterwards ran into Old Navy to check out their clearance. When we returned to the car I realized I had locked the keys inside. So in the freezing cold weather we walked our kids a couple blocks to the grocery store where our neighbor and friend, Sara, happened to be grocery shopping. When she finished she took Dave home where he picked up the Buick and the extra keys to come back and get us. I did our grocery shopping while we were waiting. He stopped on the way to get gas and then the Buick wouldn't start back up again. At all. By this time I was done shopping but it was too freezing to go anywhere so the kids and I camped out on a bench while we waited. I had a bag of Reese's Pieces in my purse so I asked the kids questions they had to answer to get one. They really did great. We were there about an hour. Meanwhile, Dave called our friend to come back and pick him up, push the car into a parking space and drive to get us. Dave knew what the Buick needed - there was a screw into the battery that was completely stripped and wasn't functioning anymore - so we stopped at the parts store to pick up a new part. At this point we were 2 hours late for some dinner plans. Later that night Dave went back to fix the Buick. He replaced the part and now it starts right up.

Monday: While the rest of the country was getting freezing temperatures, we had a day of warm(ish - 40*) weather and rain, rain, rain. Which happened to flood our basement just a little. Nothing too major, though.

Tuesday: Temperatures dropped and everything froze. So now we have a nice, thick sheet of ice on everything. So thick actually that Ana strapped on her ice skates and was skating on the sidewalks and driveway.

( It is supposed to be warm again this weekend. (Warm is relative when you live in the Northeast). I hope it melts everything.  Then it can go back down to cold and we can have a nice snow. Right now it is ice on top of snow on top of ice on top of snow. )

So, now that we have that week behind us, it is time to get in full gear into my New Year's Resolutions. I have made my list and feel like I have been doing pretty well. A post on that will be forthcoming.

Here's to 2014!

2013 recap

When we first moved here 3 1/2 years ago, I remember thinking that 2014 (and graduation) was so far away. And now it is tomorrow. In less then 6 months Dave will be a doctor. Crazy.


Some of the best Vermont memories will be from 2013. Here is a recap.

*The "They Might Be Giants" concert Dave took me to in February.

*Eating real sugar and snow and watching Jack guzzle a bunch of syrup.

*Ana ice skating.

*Going home to Idaho.

*Katie playing in the mud all summer.

*Riding bikes on the Burlington Bike path.

*Jack learning to ride a 2-wheeler in no time. (But I don't have a picture of it.)

*Birthday parties.

*Beach trips

*Seeing Monsters University at the drive-in

*Going to Lake Placid

*Camping with the Morey's

*Going to Shelburne Museum

*A visit from my awesome sister Kelli and her girls.

*Adirondack hot air balloon festival

*Jack's collections

*Jack playing soccer and scoring a goal. And then throwing it out of bounds when it was his turn to throw it in.

*The day Dave and I ditched the kids at school and took a beautiful fall drive without them.

*Going to DC

*The day I was going crazy so I took Katie to the lake and the museum and Panera.

*Dave's residency interviews. Especially when we did FaceTime while he was at the Seguaro National Park.

*Green Mountain Flyer train ride

*Our awesome Thanksgiving Week with our friends. Seriously, I will miss that.

*When me and my friend Heather went on a whirlwind trip to California to visit our friend Christy.

Seriously, this year was unforgettable.  Here's to a great 2014!

family pictures

There are some people that make you feel cooler just by being around them. We have met so many cool people here. One of those families is the Dahles. Even our kids know they are cool. Ana one time said, "The Dahles can do anything."  Any time something is broken Ana thinks we need to call them because they can fix anything. They are also amazing photographers and they took our family pictures for us this year.

 I had a very specific thing in mind. I wanted to dress up, but I also wanted them to look cozy and warm. And I wanted to take them in my house.  Maybe that is weird, but Heather totally made it work and I love how they turned out.

This is the one we chose for the Christmas card. I love how Ana is leaning on my shoulder and I love Jack's face.

The classic formal shot.

They look like they love each other!

I am totally in love with the genuine smiles and happiness on their faces here. I could eat them up.

This one is the closest to real life. It really shows personality.

I really like doing family pictures every year. I am not quite sure why, but ever since Ana was born I have made sure we have taken a current family photo every year. I like to document the passing of time. I like the snapshot of what our family looks like at different phases. I like to see the change and think about the growth that has happened over the year.  And I think it is important for my kids to see pictures of us as a family and pictures of me and Dave together with them - both formal pictures and informal. I am not a great photographer, but I love that it is so easy to document life by taking pictures. A picture is worth a thousand words, and taking pictures can be a powerful way to send a message to the next generation. I love the pictures I have of me as a child and of my family when we were young. They are treasured possessions. I hope my children feel the same way.

christmas 2013

Christmas came fast. I don't know if it was the late Thanksgiving, or the fact that Dave or I were gone for 9 collective days in the December, or what, but this December has just flown by. There were some things we just didn't get to this year, like making gingerbread houses. I guess some years are like that.

I love our quiet, small, family Christmases. Christmas Eve we cleaned house, made Santa's cookies, and watched The Muppets Christmas Carol with hot chocolate and popcorn. Then, of course, the kids opened their jammies and we read the Christmas story and tucked the kids into bed. They were all asleep by 8:15 and were told not to emerge from their room unless it was 6 or later. 

True to their word, the kids didn't emerge until Jack came in after 7 and said, "Mom, the clock says, 7:11. That's after 6. Can we go open presents?"  I loved that. It was really fun for him to go wake up Ana and hear them whispering in the hall about Christmas morning. What is it about Christmas the brings a whisper. I think that Christmas wants to be quiet and still. And something about those moments of anticipation call for whispers, even in my only-has-one-volume-and-it-is-loud middle child.  We didn't really take any pictures that morning. We just watched and smiled and enjoyed.

I went into the kitchen to make breakfast after all the presents were opened and it was 9. I thought, "Oh, good we will have a nice, long, wonderful day." And then suddenly it was 3 pm and I was rushing to get potatoes and pie finished so we could go do dinner. We had dinner with our wonderful friends and came home late. As we were leaving their neighborhood, we saw 2 deer in a front yard in their neighbor's house. We sat quietly and watched them. I love quiet Christmases.

We had ourselves a Merry Little Christmas. I hope you did too.

how an ice storm didn't ruin my weekend

And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls. - Moroni 6:5

 
On Sunday Church was cancelled due to an ice storm.

Being home all day as a family on Sunday really made me think about the 4th commandment,  as we read in Exodus 20.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work:

But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Now, I know everyone interprets that a little differently. For us, Sunday is a day for worship. We go to church, we serve God through our church responsibilities, and we spend time as a family.  We try to make Sunday different. One of the ways we have done that is by not shopping, doing play dates, and especially by not working or studying on Sunday. (Obviously as a doctor there will be times Dave has to work on Sunday, but when we have a choice, we choose not too.)

I am so glad we have done this. I love having a day where we can relax. A day where we can push aside the things that worry and stress us and just focus other things. Sometimes those things are really important. Sometimes they are not. (Like football). I know it has actually helped Dave do better in school to take a break from studying.

I love going to church. It feeds my spirit. (Even when the kids are crazy and I can barely make it out the door.) And I especially love going right before Christmas because it keeps me focused on the real reason for the season. So I was disappointed that church was cancelled. However, because it was Sunday, I didn't have a long list of to-dos in preparation for Christmas. I wasn't planning on cleaning house or running errands, so the ice storm didn't throw me off.  We went outside and marveled at the awesome ice. We drank hot chocolate and played games and watched football and video-chatted with Dave's parents. I even found time to pause for just a minute and think about the life and mission of the Savior. I talked to Jack about it for a few minutes. 

 

 

I am so glad for the reminder I got this weekend of why I love Sundays.

I typed this entire thing on my iPod.

It is 11:36 pm according to my iPod.

 Katie is still awake. Dave and I have been trying to get her to sleep for approximately 3 hours. Dave tried lying down by her and the only one who fell asleep was him.

The thing is, she fell asleep in the car today at 2:30 and stayed asleep when we took her into the library at 3:15. And kept sleeping until 4:15. So here we are.

Now is the part where I tell both of my readers why it has been 2 weeks since I posted and talk all about how busy December is and how I just couldn't find the time or emotional energy to write, but you don't want to read about that. Or maybe you do, I don't know.

I have spent most of my at home hours the last little while being annoyed. When I am out and about doing things I don't feel it so much, but in my home there had been a general level of annoyance and I don't like to write when I am annoyed. For one thing, I don't like to write about negative things. Not because I am trying to hide it, but because it isn't uplifting. For another thing, I don't seem to write very well in that state. And if you are wondering why I was annoyed and with whom, the answers are I don't know and everyone, but mostly myself.

But I feel better the last couple days and Katie seems to be coming out of her 3 week stint of not wanting to be potty trained any more even though she was perfectly potty trained for a good 6 weeks before that and that is awesome. Plus, she is hilarious and always says funny things. Things like:

*"Mom, your supposed to be in your bed!" When she wakes up at 11 and I am still awake downstairs.

 *And also insisted that "My (meaning I) not Kate. My Katie." every time we call her Kate, which is pretty often.

Sometimes I just can't believe how big she is. She wanted to wear a particular dress today because it spins so well. I put a different one on her and she said, "it doesn't spin." So of course I let her change.

I always laugh when my kids do funny things. Is that bad? They probably get confused because I don't laugh when they think I should and I do laugh when they aren't trying to be funny.

 Katie is asleep now. It is 12:04. Happy Thursday.

The only picture I took of our amazing thanksgiving weekend.

Christmas is upon us.

So is snow.

If it going to be cold, it might as well be snowy.

I think my kids agree.

magnificent seven

I went to pick up the kids from school today, as usual. Except, they thought I wasn't going to pick them up but I got the days mixed up so I was there today when they weren't expecting me. I took a moment to explain the mix-up to Ana's teacher, who afterward took a minute to tell me how Ana is doing in class. In a word, she is doing AWESOME.

Last year was rough. She didn't want to do her work in class and then wouldn't do it at home either. She didn't want to read and many mornings it was a battle to get her to go to school. But this year is different. She is thriving. Her reading has taken off. She likes to go to school. She has totally mellowed out. (Not to say that she is a mellow person, but she is more mellow for her.) A lot of her bad habits are stopping. She is more helpful and more responsible. I actually enjoy talking to her about things, too. I can't even explain how much of a relief this is for me.

If I could go back to last year when I was so worried about her and certain that I was either going to have to home school her or have her repeat a grade, I would tell myself, "Everything is going to be fine. She will mature, and all these things you are worried about will work themselves out." Perhaps 6 is just one of those "terrible" ages and now she got through it.

So, if anyone out there is struggling with a 6 year old girl, I hope you know, that it is going to be okay. Just do the best you can. Love that little girl. Pray for her. Do what you feel is best. And don't worry. Everything is going to be fine. Seven will be much better.